Sex & Menopause
Dear Dr. Patti:
What is the most natural lubricant for a female and where can it be found? Since peri-menopause I sometimes need extra lubrication. KY jelly is too sticky! --J
Question:Dear J:
One of the most common complaints for women going through the menopausal shift (peri-menopause) is vaginal dryness. The drying and associated thinning of the vaginal lining is usually due to the decline in estrogen levels that happens during this time. This lack of natural lubrication can cause discomfort during sex; by using an external lubricant to create wetness, many women find sex to be more comfortable. Another, more permanent, alternative is to get yourself on hormonal replacement therapy (which has benefits beyond sexual comfort, as well as some drawbacks); you should consult with your gynecologist about your candidacy for this form of medical care.
I believe that personal lubricants are as intimate a choice as which condom to use. For the perimenopausal woman, this is a more serious issue than the occasional drying up among sexual athletes of younger years. It's going to take some experimentation on your part to determine the right amount, the right viscosity and the staying power of the lubricant to find the one that best meets your needs.
That will involve assessing how much thrusting you are able to enjoy from your partner, how long he can go, how long you stay in the mood, how turned on he remains when you begin to dry up (which is sometimes taken, inadvertently, by men as a signal that their partner has lost interest). It is very important to talk this over with your mate and give him ample assurances that this is a part of your biology, not an indication that you are not lusting after him as your lover. Some men experience their arousal directly from seeing, hearing, feeling or touching their partner's arousal, which for the aging woman who is getting dry quickly can lead to havoc in bed.
I firmly advocate that you together learn all you can about sexuality and the perimenopausal changes that occur. Go to Amazon.com and browse the massive listing of books on menopause and choose the ones that appeal to you. Then, as a team, buy a bounty of different lubes to explore. Some that I recommend are: Astroglide, Probe, Wet Stuff, Foreplay, Erogel, and a new one, made of silicon, called "Eros." You can access these at various adult online stores, such as www.evesgarden.com, www.goodvibes.com, www.yoursexcoach.com, and others. KY Jelly (which you have tried), though an excellent, affordable and accessible product, dries quickly and is thinner than the more expensive and elegant products available today.
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