Sex or Sleep? 6 Tips That Will Have You Saying Yes to Sex

I have two children under the age of two. I love my husband dearly, but when it comes to making love I'm always too tired. I feel guilty for constantly turning him down. How can I rekindle my desire and still get the sleep I need?


Gayle Peterson

Gayle Peterson, PhD, is a family therapist specializing in prenatal and family development. She is a clinical member of the Association... Read more

Two children under the age of two will definitely put a crimp in your libido and decrease the time you are available for sex! Still, it is possible to keep your passion alive, even if, for now, it is on a low simmer instead of high flame.

6 ways to keep lovemaking alive as a new parent

1. Schedule time for love. Carve out time together on a regular and predictable basis. Whether once a week, every two weeks or once a month, plan to spend time without children, relaxing together. If possible, spend one night at a bed and breakfast, away from household stress, every few months.

2. Set a bedtime. Establishing a reasonable, but firm, bedtime for your kids will leave some time for you and your husband to talk and cuddle at the end of the day. Verbal intimacy and sharing is not only rejuvenating, but often a prelude to lovemaking for women.

Part Two: More tips to rekindle the passion


3. Protect your sexuality. Regular sharing keeps you and your partner emotionally connected, whether or not it results in sexual activity that day. Sexual desire will ebb and flow. Do not feel guilty. Instead, protect a small, but special, place for sexuality to live, rather than be extinguished in the early years of parenting.

4. Think sexy! Allow yourself time to think sexy thoughts during the day. You are more likely to reconnect with your own sexual energies, if you are not saving opportunities to be sexual until the end of the day. Make afternoon or morning dates, instead of evening ones, so you are fresh for each other, instead of worn out.

5. Allow yourself the full range of sensuality. Warm, candlelit baths together (after little ones are asleep) may not lead to passionate sex every night, or that particular night, but having shared sensual experiences can culminate in erotic feelings and dreams that awaken you with desire. Occasional lovemaking before the kids rise, is a lovely way to start your day.

6. Repeat the mantra: quality, not quantity. The key to balance is to remember that quality of sexual experience is now more important than quantity. Keep faith that your energy is slower to make its way to your erogenous zones at this time in your family life. If you maintain your emotional connection, your sensual sharing, and carve out opportunities for couples's play, you will indeed keep the flame burning.

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