Should I leave my husband for Mr. Perfect?

"After six years of marriage and three kids I think I have realized I want more out of life and more out of a relationship. My husband tries to give this to me, but it is not the same as the feelings I have for a close friend of mine. He is the perfect guy and everything I want in a man. My husband won't let the marriage go until we try to save it, so I am staying for now, but I am very unhappy. I don't know what to do. Both men are telling me they are not trying to pressure me, but my husband actually is. What do I do?" --iVillager Melissaann101

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ABOUT THE EXPERT

Brenda Shoshanna

Dr. Shoshanna is a psychologist, therapist and certified divorce and family mediator. She has written five books, including Zen and the... Read more

Dear Melissaann101:

Breaking up a marriage with three children is a big decision, so make sure you take your time and feel confident in what you are doing. There are some questions that you should be considering as you come to a decision:

  • How long have you known this other man?
  • What is his relationship history?
  • Have you tried counseling with your husband before?
  • Have you tried really talking things over with your husband?
  • Is there a chance that things could improve in your present relationship?
  • Will you have regrets?

A decision to leave should be made with great care, as there are three children here who belong to both of you and their lives will be changed dramatically by your decision. In light of this, your husband has a right to ask you to try to work things through, or at least to give him a chance.

It sounds as if you have made up your mind, however, that the other man is right for you. But consider one last question: Have you completely given up on your marriage? These are all important questions you should be asking and answering carefully for yourself before you act on your feelings.

For more information on keeping your relationship healthy, read some of Dr. Shoshanna's articles here:
Top 3 Communication Pitfalls to Avoid
Solutions to Your Top 2 Communication Problems

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