Should we get back together?

Around two months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying our relationship was a "so-called" one. Since then, I have seen him with several other girls. But when he sees me, he seems overjoyed: He stares at me and smiles this big smile. Last week, at a party, he even asked me to dance. Even though we didn't have a very good relationship, I do love him dearly. I have interest in other men, but I can't help wondering if I should suggest getting back together with my ex. He's extremely shy and might never bring it up. --tevarose


Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear tevarose:

Your ex may be "extremely shy," but he found the boldness to not only break up with you out of the blue but also to lower the boom in a very insensitive manner. I'm not saying that you're not wonderful or that he wasn't crazy to leave you, but now that he's -- possibly -- seen the error of his ways, it doesn't mean that you should go back for more of the same treatment. Plus, didn't you also say this relationship wasn't a very good one? It's time to ask yourself why you would want to restart such a union.

I know you're lonely and lovelorn and nostalgic, but don't go backwards when you've already taken a few steps forward. Pursue your interests in those other guys. Perhaps one of them will prove to be someone with whom you can enjoy a not "so-called" relationship but a great -- and real -- one.

For more Dating Doyenne advice on the subject, check out these past columns:
- Ex swears he's changed
- In Search of Closure
- Relationship Closure: How to Get It

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