Should Women Make Men Wait For Sex?

An old saw has it that before you sleep together, the woman has the upper hand in the relationship, whereas after committing the naked hula dance, power devolves onto the man. I'm not sure that's entirely true, but it suggests that, in some people's view anyway, a women can use sex to manipulate her partner.

Can you use sex to manipulate your partner into falling in love? I'm not sure a person can, under any circumstances, force or finagle someone else to fall in love with them -- at least not to "fall in love" in any healthy or meaningful way. Both Shakespeare ("Love? His affections do not that way tend.") and Bonnie Raitt ("I can't make your heart feel something it won't.") could back me up here. And even if it were possible, would you really want to manipulate somebody into falling in love with you? Me, I'd prefer it to be a matter of choice.

I think guy and a gal should operate on a sex schedule that's comfortable and satisfying to both of them. Don't do it: (a) artificially early, as a means of "hooking" your guy or to make up for other gaps in the relationship; (b) artificially late, as a means of manipulating his feelings (see above); or (c) in the presence of a Freemason (for reasons I'd rather not go into here).

Just treat it like any other important facet of your relationship. If love is to emerge, it will in due time. If not, well, at least you had some fun finding out (I'd hope).

Andy Erdman is a journalist and television writer. He also has a Ph.D. in theatre and has taught at the college level. He has never worked as a topless dancer.

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