Size Matters: Too Much of a Good Thing

I am dating a wonderful guy. We are perfect together, and everything just seems right. The problem is, we just can't seem to make sex work well. One thing is that he is huge (diameter) and it's as if it just won't go in. I am a small woman, and I don't know if it's me or him or a combination. You would think that if you had a baby, you could accommodate the size of a man inside you. We have plenty of foreplay, so it's not as if we rush. Maybe we are both too nervous and it gets frustrating when we try so hard. Everything else is great with him; I want sex to be perfect, too. He says he has never had this problem, so I'm worried it's me. --H


Dear H:

Much of what you write is promising, so have faith and let's try to find a solution for your unusual plight (most of the iVillagers who complain about penis size are longing for more, not less). The average erect penis is between 5 and 6.5 inches in length and 4.85 inches around, according to some scientific research. Just for fun, and perhaps to help put your mind at ease, you could wind a string or ribbon around his erect penis, then measure it. Knowing that he's within the range of normalcy may alleviate some of his or your concerns. Alternatively, acknowledging his hugeness may help you to overcome your guilt about not being able to take him inside you without discomfort.

One of the keys to accepting a large penis is mental readiness. If you are tightening in fear or anticipation of being hurt, no object will be able to slide in easily. Instead, try to envision the two of you fitting together; that will bring added closeness to your relationship, along with pleasurable sensations for you both. If you are dry or constricting with resistance, you will not be able to accommodate his penetration. You may want to use a lubricant, such as Astroglide, Erogel, Probe or Eros (available at my site or other adult online stores) to help him complete his entry. Breathing can also help, especially if you can work to breathe together -- in and out to match his thrusting. Breathe gently at first, then try to keep your breathing pattern slow and deep to help his penetration. Despite the buzz about "If I can have a baby come out of there, why can't I let this man in?" the truth is that during birth the whole body is wound into action for expulsion, not for accepting. If you can get your mind, emotional state and body to relax, and if you engage in proper preparation, you may just find that your man can fill -- and fulfill -- you.

For more advice on getting the most out of sex, check out Dr. Patti's Love Lessons:

  • The Secret of Sexual Arousal: Spend four weeks discovering the secrets and sensations of arousal -- and find out what sexual satisfaction is all about!
  • 30 Days of Great Sex: This four-week program will help you and your partner get closer in -- and out -- of bed and learn new ways to satisfy each other sexually.

Like This? Read These!
- Quiz: How Hot Is Your Sex Life?
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