So That's How Whitney Port Stays So Slim

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Last night, millions of 20-something women cried tiny reality show tears from their futons as MTV’s The Hills aired its series finale. The former star of the show, Whitney Port, has alternately won wooed fans with her cool style sense and alienated viewers with her slightly bland demeanor. (See: Melba toast.) In this week’s US Weekly, the 25-year-old overnight sensation was featured in their “25 Things You Don't Know About Me” column. Aside from some cockamamie factoids (she collects miniature glass shoes and proclaims, “I love feeling cold ears,”) Port’s responses read like a laundry list of Ways To Stay Skinny. (She’s 5’10” and reportedly weighs about 115 pounds.) Among her inadvertent diet tips:

1. "I would rather walk anywhere than drive."
If you’ve ever lived in New York (where The City was filmed), you know that no car = walk everywhere = stay trim. Unlike, say, my hometown of suburban Chicago, where we’d hop in the minivan to visit the pharmacy two blocks away .(Typical shopping list: Bat Mitzvah cards, The National Enquirer, amoxicillin for our monthly ear infections.) This was done both to avoid expending energy -- and thus risk diminishing the power of our fathers’ ever-present second trimester bellies -- and to keep the children safe from the roving packs of kidnappers known to frequent Buffalo Grove, Illinois.

2. "I had braces for 10 years, until my senior year in high school."
And I thought I was stuck in braceface purgatory when my BFF throughout most of junior high was my orthodontist, Neil Weintraub, DDS. A decade is a long time to spend behind bars, Whitney, especially considering all of the food restrictions (No biting into apples! No hard candy or caramel! No corn on the cob! Nothing hard! Nothing staining!) If all you can eat is pureed banana and water for 10 years, well, yeah, you’re gonna be a primo candidate for skinny jeans.

3. "A dream of mine is to develop a frozen-yogurt truck with homemade toppings that are nutritious and delicious."
Port and Co.’s passion for Yogen Früz has been well-documented. When I was in college, all of my eating disordered friends and I -- just call us The (No) Breakfast Club -- would eat fro yo for dinner. My concoction of choice: Peanut butter fro yo topped with Golden Grahams. Today, the more dedicated anorexics frequent Tasti D-Lite for its fewer calories and mild laxative effect, but I don’t think Port has an eating disorder. I truly think she’s just naturally tall and thin, and snacking on yogurt helps.

4. "I'm addicted to Orbit spearmint gum."
If you’re constantly smacking on gum, there isn’t a lot of room in your mouth for, say, cheeseburgers and fettucini alfredo. And nothing -- not even fruit – tastes good after a spearmint rinse. Research from the University of Rhode Island has also shown that chewing sugar-free gum in the morning can decrease lunchtime calorie intake 68 calories, and that when subjects chewed gum before and after eating, their calorie expenditure increased and was higher by approximately 5 percent. That’s why contestants on The Biggest Loser have are always popping Wrigley's Extra in their mouths.

6. "I've never eaten pasta."
OK, and I’ve never used a pillow. I’m not sure I buy this one, unless Port has some sort of horrible gluten intolerance that was discovered before she was old enough to gum down Chicken & Stars baby food. But if it’s true, that would help explain her seemingly effortlessly slim figure: No bow ties, no boo-tay.

7. "My pet peeve is loud chewing and aggressive eating."
I don’t know that I’ve ever dined with an especially loud and aggressive eater, barring a sheepish hangover brunch following a one night stand with Japanese eating champion Takeru Kobayashi. If shoveling food in one’s mouth at a fast and furious rate isn’t Port’s style, it makes sense that revealing miniskirts are: A 2008 Journal of American Dietetic Association study found that slower eaters consume fewer calories than gobblers.

8. "I have solo dance parties in my bedroom every day."
Dancing burns 109 calories in 10 minutes!

9. "I pace uncontrollably when I am on the phone."
My husband does this, and despite regularly sitting down to a bulk-sized tub of hummus and a bag of chips for his pre-dinner snack, he does not gain weight. That’s because pacing falls into an important calorie-torching category called NEAT (ffor non-exercise activity thermogenesis). Like fidgeting and changing position frequently, pacing keeps your body moving at all times, boosting your metabolism to Hills-like elevation.