Sex!
Drugs!
Debauchery!
Totally kidding; it’s another sugary sweet episode recap of So You Think You Can Dance.
Oh man, did I get you good or what?
It was another gray day in LA as the cast of So You Think You Can Dance prepped for yet another week of super-awesomeness!
Oh Cat, you’re in black! Gack, is that pleather? A garbage bag? It looks like wardrobe grabbed the curtain from the stage set and figured they’d whip up something a la Scarlet O’Hara and her velvet drapes.
Did Derelicte sponsor this dress campaign of yours? I’m earnestly anticipating Mugatu’s appearance accompanied with an “I invented the piano-key necktie!” yell of solidarity. I only hope you can turn left.
Cat’s fashion sense -- or lack thereof -- was immediately overshadowed by our guest judge this week: Debbie Allen! Like OMG, Fame! We’re gonna live forever!
First off, you’ve gotta love the woman because she keeps it real. Apparently everything about her this evening was fake – just ask her and she'll 'fess up faster than you can say "cop-out." Even her hair was detachable. Makes you wonder if it applies to other areas … what about her nose? And lips? Matter of fact, are all her facial features snap-ons? And in case she forgot to mention it, shout it from the rafters, hallelujah, she has a WORLD FAMOUS dance academy. Yes, she said WORLD FAMOUS in all caps. She probably petitioned to have neon lights hang over her that said "Debbie Allen has a WORLD CLASS dance academy" but was turned down solely because PaulaMary didn't want her Janice from Friends laugh upstaged.
Nigel made a reference to someone's blog that called him “the guy with the dentures and the cat on his head.” But really, who knew Nigel was such an avid Internet surfer? He probably Googles himself mercilessly so we might as well add some fuel to the fire. Heretofore today, Nigel Lythgoe Powers will be represented by his obvious movie counterpart, which means he hates only two things in life: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures ... and the Dutch. Except you know, the real Nigel Powers had better dentures. And more hair. And cool emo glasses. Google us, Nigel Powers! Judo chop!
But I digress. There actually was, like, you know, dancing on tonight's episode.
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First up were Sara and Jesus krumping; sadly no ugly hunchbacks or spirit fingers. Better luck next week! Since krumping automatically=Rize you would expect tons of choppy action but this was much more lyrical …wait, isn't this is called hip-hop or something? Get out! Way to pull the wool over our eyes, Lil ‘C! Generally the judges aren’t into krumping because they see it as too individualistic in terms of a partner dance. Also, it’s seen as angry and therefore not physically or emotionally acceptable to the viewers … I mean, those things are totally unacceptable on national TV ... except for the WWF, which totally rules in every single way!
When Lil 'C the choreographer showed up in red, I thought nothing of it, until I saw Sara and Jesus’ outfits. I know they're out in Cali, but really, have we already forced them to choose sides?
______________________________________________________It ain’t a party until Mia Michaels cries from all her passion, so let’s have at it.
Shauna was paired with Cedric and I immediately sensed she wanted to kill him off from day 1. Sure she complimented his dance style and said it was interesting and unique and blahblahblah, but you know who gets described as interesting? People you’re not attracted to and it’s the only nice thing you have to say. I was waiting with baited breath for her to actually say Cedric's dancing had a nice personality. Oh, snap!
Speaking of snapping, as Shauna’s dreams were crushed one by one (or maybe that was just her ribs as Cedric dropped her on the ground for the umpteenth time), the theme of this week’s performance is: “Let’s Showcase Our Strengths”, which in pro-speak translated to “No Cedric”. Most of it was spent with Shauna chasing around Cedric with her metaphorical butcher knife.
Mia cried as everyone else said Cedric would get them both in the bottom three and that he’d go home. So what does Debbie-Not-Downer do? Offers Cedric a full scholarship, naturally. Could you not see the dollar signs flashing in her eyes? "He’ll be on all my WORLD FAMOUS posters," she probably thought. Oh Debbie, when you talk more about yourself than the contestants, it’s hardly being a judge. There are good psychiatrists in the Yellow Pages. Check them out.
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Lauren and Neil had perhaps the lamest tango in history. Neil is not exactly Adonis but it just didn’t make sense: Lauren had her hair dyed black, so what’s Neil doing being blond? Step on up to the fashion plate, Neilie! You need to up your RBI!
Any routine that busts out the chairs notedly needed props to jazz it up, so this was going to be a rough one.
I predict bottom three.
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Anya and Danny had a hip-hop routine to yet another Timbaland song (have we worked our way through the entire album yet?) choreographed by none other than Deadweight Dan. Despite looking horribly uncomfortable, both seemed convinced that their training would not affect their progress. Until Danny socked Anya a good one by accident ... OR WAS IT?! I thought this was So You Think You Can Dance, not ultimate cage fighting.
Their timing was slightly off and they may be bottom three as well. Sucks.
______________________________________________________Lacey and Kameron had the quick step this week, and she cried and mentioned how her friend had passed away and how it made her question what was really important after the last show. This may have showed why there was zero chemistry between her and Kameron. None. Zip. Zilch. It was so frigid, I thought a new ice age was approaching and I'd have to ice skate to work this morning.
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Dominic and Sabra may be the funniest couple ever solely because of Dominic. He’s really the Keanu Reaves of the competition, and has no idea that more people are laughing at him than with him.
When asked about his ambitions outside of dance this week, Dominic stared into space dreamily, thought hard and said, “I want to do headspins…naked…without anyone watching…oh, wait, can I re-record that?” At least he snapped out of it. That Vicodin is something else, eh?
______________________________________________________It seems Jaimie put her welding skills to use and finally got her and Hok a choreographer with a great routine. That, naturally, would be The Robson. The piece was jazz, which fit Wade well because he’s never been good at sticking to a strict genre. As the love song between a hummingbird and a flower, it was a very moving piece set to the theme from Memoirs of a Geisha. The piece and music really allowed Hok to emphasize his bird-like movements without looking all pecky like Pasha and Jessi last week in my first-grade art project piece.
Nigel Powers even called the performance a classic, so you’ve got to assume that’s Safe City for these two!
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Last but not least were Pasha and Jessi. Both barely spared last week, they were back for more, hoping to be taken seriously – particularly Jessi with her costume lamb ears. I kept hoping she’d baaaaaaaah, but, sadly, no dice.
Unfortunately Jessi's heart was not on the same page and she had to go into the hospital for testing. Pasha was forced to dance with Tony Meredith’s assistant Melanie.
I’ll say this for Melanie; it took a lot of courage to go on TV at the last minute without preparation. And while she didn’t look comfortable in the dance, you could tell she was actually a way better dancer than she was able to portray. In fact, I found amazing footage of her and Tony Meredith from the ‘90s, and while she looks totally different now than she did then, I think it’s safe to say she’s probably healthier, less stressed, and happier than she was then.
Since we’re only judging Pasha, they’ll probably be safe this week. If not, Nigel Powers warned, both would have to dance to save themselves; and if Jessi couldn’t, she would be asked to leave the show. Dra-ma!
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So who will stay and who will go? Should Jessi get to stay? Will Mia’s withdrawl symptoms ever cease? Should Nigel Powers get himself to a tannery?
How’d you feel about this week’s episode?
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Epilogue: Those of you hoping to hear of my dancing escapades will have to wait a little longer, as my parental units mercilessly beat me to the punch.
It was only last week my mother called me -- breathless and bubbling over with excitement -- to break the news that she and my father were going to take swing dance lessons. Now, I love my dad and am a total daddy’s girl, but the man does not dance. At family weddings, we have to berate him for roughly ¾ of my mom’s favorite song before he’ll get up and boogie. So imagine my shock and surprise when she told me of their new pastime.
“How’d you get Dad to go willingly?” I asked.
“Well, willingly is such a strong word,” she said. “I promised him once he actually went that he’d get into it … OK, truth be told, I just wanted to keep up with your grandparents.”
My grandparents are my pillars of the South. Every summer, the southern half of my family heads to South Carolina for a week of fun at Myrtle Beach. Honestly we’re making up for lost time due to distance by cramming 15 of our not-so-nearest-yet-still-dearest into a three-bedroom apartment. Ah, yes; nothing like eight sandy, sunburned people fighting over who gets to shower first to build kinship. But in the years since I last went, it is my grandparents leading the way for social activities, and their latest is that they love to go dancing.
My mother was beyond jealous.
“They had so much fun dancing, I just wanted to be able to go, too,” she said.
Hm, where have I heard that before?
Like mother, like daughter. Until tomorrow night, folks.
