Meet Julia. At 34, Julia has never been married or lived with anyone, but she has had several significant relationships, including one that lasted four years. Her parents divorced when she was six or seven and her father was (is) a "John Wayne" type
She feels baffled, insecure and defeatist since the last several men she dated through Match.com (a popular online dating service) acted very interested in her, flattered, even intimidated by her interest in them, then never called for a second date. (Has this ever happened to you? Tell us about that jerk, er, that story here!)
I tell her to write a romantic resume of her love history. (For example, one woman wrote out the details of four failed romances, and realized not only that she kept picking men who couldn't commit, but that she wasn't always responding to her lovers' needs either. In two instances when they'd asked her to do small favors, she'd refused.)
By writing out her relationships Julia will more clearly see what she has gotten out of them, didn't get out of them and how they have affected her. She will see her role as well as the other person's.