Spiritual Sex: The 10 Erotic Commandments

Contrary to many previously held beliefs, sex and spirituality are not mutually exclusive. In fact, reaching the heights of ecstasy in bed requires that you be there in spirit, as well as in the flesh. The question, of course, is how? Noted scholar, teacher, psychotherapist and author Thomas Moore reveals the 10 principles that allow for more meaningful lovemaking ‑- and a realization of your full pleasure potential.


Ethics


The first step in the spiritual life is to move beyond narcissism and self-absorption. This is not a glamorous suggestion, but it is essential: Treat your partner honestly, respectfully and kindly. It's as simple as that. Spirituality begins in achieving a basic but difficult aspect of maturity ‑- not being selfish. This doesn't mean that you don't take care of yourself and have full satisfaction in your sexual life, but, as the spiritual traditions consistently teach, you can't be happy if those around you are not happy.


Partnership


Sex is a union of persons, not only bodies. You can prepare for sex by being an interesting person, bringing with you your intelligence, culture, ideas, values and talents. It's one thing to make love with a pretty body and another to be intimate with a real person. You can take time to talk to your partner, maybe at dinner before lovemaking. Don't be afraid to talk about the things that matter. Letting a closely guarded thought emerge can lead to a physical sense of release. If you can't do this with your dinner partner, then your sex may not be anything special.


Vision


A spiritual person has a broad vision. He or she is interested in life, meaning and the world. Vision is an aspect of transcendence and a reach beyond self. Sex usually begins and ends in conversation. Visionary talk, in contrast to mundane and self-centered chatter, can be vital and erotic.


Contemplation


Spirituality benefits from some kind of contemplation or meditation, a stepping outside the ordinary reality. Lovemaking can have a contemplative quality ‑- taking time, allowing yourself to be dreamy, giving in not only to passion but also to the timeless atmosphere of sex. Ecstasy, a word often applied to sexual experience, means "to stand outside," and it doesn't have to have the swoon factor that people sometimes associate with it. Ecstasy can be a steady, calm progress to a state that is tranquil and otherworldly.


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