Sponsored: Ready to Laugh? The Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say!


Brought to you by Roadside Attractions' hilarious new film FRIENDS WITH KIDS, starring Adam Scott, Jennifer Westfeldt, Jon Hamm, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Chris O'Dowd, Megan Fox and Edward Burns

Kids do change everything -- from the hours you keep, to the clothes you wear, to the friends you make. The new film FRIENDS WITH KIDS is a daring and poignant ensemble comedy about a close-knit circle of friends at that moment in life when children arrive and everything changes. The last two singles in the group observe the effect that kids have had on their friends' relationships and wonder if there's a better way. They decide to have a kid together – and date other people.  

There are big laughs and unexpected emotional truths as this unconventional 'experiment' leads everyone in the group to question the nature of friendship, family and, finally, true love.

After all, once "we" becomes "three" (or more), your relationship with your partner can reach an entirely new level as the two of you marvel over the amazing little people who've changed your lives -- and the amazing things they say. In fact, the next time you and your mate put in an all-nighter with a toddler who's afraid of the dark, or you're covered in the peas you can't get your picky eater to eat, remember the free comedy show that's also a part of your parenting routine.

Yep, the stuff that comes out of a kid's mouth often puts a seasoned comedian to shame. You're laughing, gasping for air and slowly sliding off your seat while thinking, "I can’t believe he just said that!” That's why we asked moms to pitch in their fave wise words o' their wee-ones, and picked the best of the bunch for your reading pleasure. (P.S. Yes, laughing that hard means you can skip the gym today!)

Mail Mom
“On the first day I was getting ready for work, my 3-year-old daughter said, ‘You look pretty, Mom. You look like the mailman.’” -- Frederique, mom of one, North Hills, CA

Money Honey
”My husband, Scott, to our 4 ½ year-old-daughter, Aybra: ‘I can't wait for you to go to dance today.’
Aybra to Scott: ‘I can't wait for the money that you make.’" -- Dana, mom of two, Madison, AL

Wise Words
“Joey, 9, was telling his dad a confusing story. His dad said, ‘What are you talking about?’ Joey replied, ‘I don’t know, I stopped listening to myself after the first word.’” -- Jacki, mom of two, Gainesville, FL

Pretty Promise
“My daughter and I were in my closet, and she found an old jewelry box. I told her, ‘When you’re older, you may have that jewelry box.’ She enthusiastically replied, ‘And when YOU are older, I will give you medicine!’” -- Christine, mom of two, Highland Village, TX

Something To Howl About
“I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt and apparently hadn't shaved my underarms in awhile. I heard my daughter say to my son, ‘Look, I think Mom is turning into a werewolf!’” -- Shannon, mom of two, Seattle, WA

Old Friends
“’Mom, when did we meet?’” -- Joanna, mom of one, Willowbrook, IL

Cheese Head
“For about a week, I thought my daughter, Ruby, was praying out loud because I heard her say ‘Jesus.’ Five days later, she grabbed my hand, walked me to the pantry and pointed to what she really wanted: Cheez-Its." -- Gina, mom of two, Gainesville, FL

Lost and Found
“I have a 3-year-old daughter who says the funniest things! The latest one: ‘Mommy, did you know that someone found America?’ she asked me as I picked her up from preschool. ‘Oh really, sweetie?’ I replied. She responded, ‘Yes, it was man called Chris Columbus.’ Then she paused for a few minutes and asked, ‘Mommy, how long was America lost for before that man found it again?’” -- Tracey, mom of one, Wantagh, NY

Tiny Tomatoes
“My seven-year-old son became concerned after watching a show on tornadoes. ‘Dad, we have to buy a microscope so we can look out for giant tomatoes!’” -- Joe and Carol, parents of four, Marshfield, MA

Culturally Curious
“My toddler was enjoying the ride on a city bus through the streets of suburban Frankfurt, Germany. Observing the passengers getting on and off seemed to fascinate him. The bus was packed when my son, Jakey, in a loud voice, asked ‘Mom, do German men have penises, too?’” -- Roberta, mom of one, Karpathos, Greece

The Facts of Life
“My 5-year-old explains the death of this grandfather to my 3-year-old son: ‘Grandpa died. Like Michael Jackson. He’s dead just like Michael Jackson.’” -- Kerry, mom of two, Gilbert, AZ

Mom De Opera
“When my son was three years old, he overheard me telling a friend on the phone I was a single mom and asked, ‘You’re a singing mommy?’” -- Carla, mom of two, South Pasadena, CA

Fitness Assessment
“At a church campout a few weekends ago, our son Aidan met an older woman who told him she was one of my fitness students. She said, ‘You see, thanks to your mom, I’m all buff and fit.’ To which Aidan replied after looking her up and down, ‘Hmmm, you could be more fit.’” -- Alexandra, mom of two, Santa Barbara, CA

Pen Pals
“My daughter was about 7 years old when she asked me, ‘Mommy, when you get to heaven, will you email me and let me know what it’s like?’” -- Renea, mom of two, Baton Rouge, LA

Anciently Aware

“We were in the car and a good song came on the radio. Wanting my kids to learn the names of bands, I proudly announced, ‘This is the Red Hot Chili Peppers!’ My son replies, ‘Wow, Mom, you know all the music from the 15th century!’” -- Christine, mom of two, Highland Village, TX

Scary Stuff
“Me to my son Jordan’s 12-year-old sister: ‘Jillian, what do you want to be for Halloween?’
Jillian: ‘I'm probably going to be a scary clown.’
Me: ‘Jordan, what do you want to be?’
Jordan: ‘Something that can kill a scary clown.’” -- Gary, dad of two, Voorhees, NJ

Beaming Eyes
“Just the other day, my son, Jacob, and I were in the car. An ad came on the radio for the Laser Eye Center, to which he said ‘Hey, I want a laser eye!’” -- Carol, mom of three, Stevenson Ranch, CA

Bedroom Bribe
“After being sent to her room as a punishment, my daughter said, ‘Can I come down now? I can give you money.’” -- Tom, dad of three, North Wales, PA

Dr. Mom
“After I fed my 3-year-old lunch, she said, ‘Thank you, Dr. Mama, for making my tummy feel better.’” -- Jill, mom of two, Vista, CA

Say a Little Prayer
“Maddy was misbehaving at church, so I told her to fold her hands and pray. Maddy folded her hands and made a very serious face. When we asked what she was praying for, she said, ‘I'm praying that Jesus doesn’t get stuck back up on that cross again.’” -- Kelly, mom of two, Wormleysburg, PA

Fire Bum
“Our then-3-year-old son got new Batman glow-in-the-dark underpants. Once he had them on, he kept dropping his shorts and asking, ‘Is my bum lighting up?’” -- Marianne, mom of 3, Rexburg, ID

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