Pregnancy journal: Spotting in week fifteen

So, Rob, Jacob and I all sat very still as our midwife probed my abdomen looking for a heartbeat. For a very tense moment that seemed more like ten, there was silence. Then, as she began to move across to my left side (right where Jacob had been when we at first couldn't find his) someone kicked me! I was quite sure that it wasn't the midwife, so there's only one option left. Even before the heartbeat was audible I knew that our little one was all right. Of course it didn't occur to me to say anything out loud, so everyone else just had to wait until the baby stopped moving and the little wand located the heartbeat.


Now there's the question of what happened. Nobody knows. Either it was simply my cervix bleeding a bit or potentially the placenta lying too low, or (in a very comforting comment) it may be something else altogether. My ultrasound is scheduled for two and a half weeks from now, so the recommendation was that we wait to locate the placenta at that time. I've been advised to watch any heavy lifting as we move and to abstain from sexual intercourse. Other than that we should assume the baby is fine and that I will carry to term.

I can't express how relieved I felt to hear that little heartbeat, or to feel that faint little squirm. I feel very selfish, but I'm extremely worried about the upcoming ultrasound. I worry that the placenta may indeed be too low to allow a vaginal birth. I'm trying to put it out of my mind for the next fourteen days or so, but if there is any way around it, I very much would like to avoid the a cesarean that could result if that is the case. Of course, I'll do whatever I have to do to protect the health of the baby, but believe it or not, I'm very much looking forward to the day of delivery -- pain and all -- as much for me, as for the fact that we'll get to meet our baby. But, more on that in another few weeks if indeed there is a problem. For now I'll assume that everything is fine and tackle one day at a time.

I should have enough going on in the coming weeks to occupy my mind. With fingers crossed I can say, "Tune in next week when we see Deb and Rob at their closing." For now I'm going to try and believe that all this stress will end in another few days and I will wait for the moment our baby can kick strong enough so I can keep tabs on it by myself.


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