30 Days of Great Sex

Step 4: Talk About Sex

Now that we are up to step three of our sojourn into better sex, let's review the past two steps. Are you keeping up your Love Journal? This is a method to document your sexual journey and to learn the truth about your sex-related patterns. Tracking your thoughts, feelings, sensations and activities will confirm or demystify your beliefs about how sex affects your life, and vice versa. Spending the last step focusing on the sensual should have given your senses the pump they deserved to bring your daily life to the cliffs of new pleasures. If not, you are not indulging your senses enough. So go back and study! If you have yet to follow the plans for steps one and two, stop here and go back. You'll be glad you did.

One element that keeps surfacing in my discussions with clients about healthy intimate relationships is the art of communication. Communication really is the key for a long-term, lasting and growing relationship. And it's my observation that for most women the aspect of being in a healthy, intimate relationship is the foundation for great sex. Thus, communication is important to a great sex life.

What I'd like you to do now is to spend at least one day watching what you say. I did this once in a workshop and it truly changed my life! It can do the same for you. During that day, catch (and stop) yourself whenever you begin to blame your partner, or when you start complaining to him/her.

Without those elements of speech, the whole world of communication will transform into one of empowerment and openness, and you will find a fresh way of thinking, talking and relating. Imagine going a whole day, week or, better yet, lifetime without ever making an excuse or blaming your partner or yourself. This is not to say that you shouldn't communicate your desires to your mate -- you should, and often! The more openly, directly and intimately you speak about sex, the better your sexual experience can be.

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