30 Days of Great Sex

Step 5: Focus on Your Fantasies

Braveheart. If you don't have such a memory, write down the description of your perfect fantasy partner -- with buff bod, thick, wavy mane, velvety voice, clean smell, toothy smile and Mensa-eligible brains. Next, write down all the activities that you'd like to fantasize about doing with this partner. Once you have these lists in place, you can reference them and fill your mind with new ideas. In case you get stuck on this exercise, here's a sample fantasy: Imagine yourself dressed in harem garb in a billowy tent under a starry sky, feeling the balmy breezes of a desert night, with your prince by your side, caressing you gently, speaking words of passion into your ear. You draw his eyes, lips and body to yours. Get the drift?

If you are really daring, invite your partner to do this same exercise, and share what you write. Be careful not to hurt each other by spending an inordinate amount of time focusing on other people or on the attributes that turn you on that you know your lover will never match. Identifying fantasies, talking about them (if you wish) and then testing the waters to try new things will add sparkle to your nights. Be open-minded and work with your partner to reach a compromise, if necessary, regarding acting out each other's fantasies. Enrich your relationship by enlarging your mind's capacity for creative fantasy and watch how your intimate world may blossom.

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