Stop Fighting in 30 Days

Step 2: Eliminate Open Warfare

If you are ready to lose your Open Warfare Fight Traps and save your relationship, then start practicing these principles:

1. The next time you're angry, vow to bite your tongue instead of your mate's head off. Walk away, take five -- or five thousand -- if needed! Never again allow yourself to react to a relationship problem impulsively.

2. When you are angry, remember to focus on saving your marriage, not on winning the argument. This means that you both must put the team ahead of the players. To make this tough goal a reality, you will need to develop what is called an "observing ego." The observing ego is the part of the psyche that can step back and analyze your own thoughts, feelings, and reactions. The more you exercise this part of your mind, the more "muscular" it becomes. In a short while, your observing ego will guide you to focus on whatever goal you set for yourself -- in this case, making sure that you fight for the team, rather than on allowing your fury to take center stage.

Now that you have decided to trash the crash-and-burn fighting tactics that you have been using, we need to make sure that you identify and eliminate the Secret Warfare Fight Traps that may also be holding your relationship hostage. This is the subject of the next step. Click here to check it out

Like this? Want more?
Connect with Us
Follow Our Pins

Yummy recipes, DIY projects, home decor, fashion and more curated by iVillage staffers.

Follow Our Tweets

The very dirty truth about fashion internships... DUN DUN @srslytheshow

On Instagram

Behind-the-scenes pics from iVillage.

Best of the Web