Stop Fighting in 30 Days

Week 1: Eliminate Open Warfare

How do you eliminate your Open Warfare Fight Traps and save your relationship? Click here to find out.

Eliminating your Open Warfare Fight Traps won't be easy, I'm afraid. We are creatures of habit, which means that we seek the comfort of the familiar and avoid the discomfort of change. Even though fighting is uncomfortable, the effort to alter your way of handling conflict is even more uncomfortable. I want to remind you that the temporary discomfort you will experience in giving up your Open Warfare Fight Traps is nothing compared to the pain you will suffer down the line if you choose to keep your Open Warfare Fight Traps alive. Couples in chronic conflict risk physical illness, depression, domestic violence, divorce and even death. According to studies, couples that fight heatedly have much shorter life expectancies than couples who resolve their conflicts amicably.

If you are ready to lose your Open Warfare Fight Traps and save your relationship, then start practicing these principles:

1. The next time you're angry, vow to bite your tongue instead of your mate's head off. Walk away, take five -- or five thousand -- if needed! Never again allow yourself to react to a relationship problem impulsively.

2. When you are angry, remember to focus on saving your marriage, not on winning the argument. This means that you both must put the team ahead of the players. To make this tough goal a reality, you will need to develop what is called an "observing ego." The observing ego is the part of the psyche that can step back and analyze your own thoughts, feelings, and reactions. The more you exercise this part of your mind, the more "muscular" it becomes. In a short while, your observing ego will guide you to focus on whatever goal you set for yourself -- in this case, making sure that you fight for the team, rather than on allowing your fury to take center stage.

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