Studio 60: Recap of "4 a.m. Miracle"

Ready for the final recap of Studio 60 -- you know, that Aaron Sorkin drama about the drama behind making a sketch comedy show -- before it's thrust off the air -- yes, it's still been on the air this whole time -- next week?

Nope, me neither...

The Long … Legs of the Law?

Mary Tate, attorney-at-law, barges in on the boys pretty late (10 p.m. to be exact, and only six loooong hours until that title -- which refers to the hour in which something unexplainably extraordinary happens to pull the show together -- makes sense). She’s working on a case concerning sexual harassment and the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Supposedly, before Matt and Danny came on the scene, one of the writers, Karen Sollesberg (that floosy!), felt forced to work in a hostile environment and was terminated for not being one of the boys.

Lucky for Matt, Mary (played by Invasion alum Kari Matchett) is representing the show and she’s got good legs. She’s curious as to how things operate, so he takes her to the writer’s room where we learn a bit more about the process:

The writers pitch on Monday. Matt rejects them.
The writers pitch on Tuesday afternoon. Matt rejects them.
The writers pitch on Tuesday evening. Matt rejects them.
The writers pitch on Tuesday night. Matt rejects them.

It’s a wonder why 13 of the 15 writers quit. And yet Andy, Darius and even Lucy confirmed that this slutty Karen chick was probably just a bad writer.

Anita New Actress
On the far-more productive set of Harriet’s Anita Pallenberg movie, she’s shooting a scene in which she just finishes a line of blow before playing a, um, rather quick round of Russian Roulette with a 17-year-old boy. -- a model and actress best known for her romantic links to three of the original Rolling Stones.

Just before the kid’s about to pull the trigger on himself, Harriet breaks the scene. Of course, our little miss sunshine has a problem. In real life, Anita was cleared of manslaughter charges and the death was ruled a suicide, so Harriet thought it was wrong to portray it as anything more scandalous.

Luke’s reply? “You had two months with the script. Just shoot the scene.” After all, he is the director, and I’m sure he’s got a creative license stashed in his wallet.

Harriet’s reply? “I’m just feeling guilty. Matthew and I had a terrible fight. I said terrible things to him.”

She’s just oozing professionalism. Naturally, he’s not happy, especially considering that said night, she came by his place for a little TLC. (Anita’s problems don’t seem so bad, now, do they?)

Bringing up Baby
For two seemingly love-scorned a-dults, Jordan and Danny have moved on to the “I love you mores” quite quickly. After a few “honeys,” Jordan’s purse started crying. Out pops a Real Care Baby, a $600 glorified Tamagotchi that simulates needs such as feeding, diaper changes and cuddling. Jordan thinks she’s doing a mighty fine job as it is, but Danny thinks he can do one better. And they bet 100 big ones on it.

After smuggling the babe when it started crying, he handed it over to Tom and Simon, and within minutes, the baby’s head is in the bottom of a bucket. (Today’s lesson: Never test an 18th Century French guillotine on an infant, real or fake.)

Cal “fixed” the Tamagotchi and when Danny thought he was five twenties richer, the baby pulled an exorcist -- head jolting up and eyes popping out. Nice try, Tripp.

What’s Love Got to Do With It?
Mary, more clairvoyant than she is ethical, sipped vodkas while inquiring into Matt’s personal life. She alluded that the show’s ratings were dropping because no good writing was getting done, and the reason no good writing is getting done is because (alert the media!) Matt’s lovesick for Harriet.

To stir things up even more, Mary shows Matt Karen’s statement, which mentions that at one point she overhead writers discussing different ways they would have sex with Harriet. In the church, in the confessional… you get the trend.

Meanwhile, back at the movie set, Luke’s shooting the scene Harriet’s way -- where she’s not even in the room when the boy shoots himself. And yet Luke still breaks up with her and says a few harsh words about Matt. In true, no-one-talks-bad-about-my-man fashion, she tells Luke, “I won’t let you talk aboaut him like that… because he’d never let anyone talk about me like that!”

Yeah, uh, Harriet, he called you worse things. Every episode. To your FACE.

Harriet storms off the set and returns to the other studio. She finds Matt in his office struggling with a bit. He’s stuck on it. “I’ll unstick you,” she says. Hmmm, could it be? Is it 4 a.m. already?

NEXT WEEK: Blast! There is no next week. Correction…

SOMETIME IN THE NOT-SO-NEAR FUTURE: Until they find another time slot for Studio or until The Black Donnellys gets cancelled (which, judging by the success of Studio, might very well happen), NBC only knows when we’ll find out what happens to Danny, Matt and the gang. For now, we’re all going to have to find something else to do to fill the empty void once filled with bleeding-heart ramblings and a God-fearing lisp. To help, here’s some suggestions:

  1. Watch two episodes of 30 Rock in a row. Same concept, only funnier.

  2. Find a new show. Hey, I hear there’s something on an hour before called, uh, 24, was it? It’s not quite as dramatic or on-the-edge-of-your-seat suspenseful as Studio, but it’ll suffice.

  3. Write your own script for the next episode of Studio. Just try to use only multi-syllabic words and as many run-on sentences as possible. Oh, and make sure the characters walk and talk at the same time. At all times.

  4. Spend hours fruitlessly protesting The Black Donnellys to anyone who’ll listen. Find other Sorkinites to join in your mission.

  5. Comment below with your own helpful hints for surviving without Studio.
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