Support Systems: When a Friend is Jilted at the Altar

ON Jan 1, 1999 at 12:00PM

chime in now

My best friend in the whole wide world was planning a wedding. The man she was supposed to marry broke off the engagement. At first she almost had a nervous breakdown, but after seeking counseling, she started doing a little better. However, she is still having a very difficult time. I've tried to help her and she says I make her feel better, but I feel that I should do more for her. What can I do? --cmelena

Question:
ABOUT THE EXPERT

Read more

Dear Cmelena:

Just be there to boost her spirits. You needn't go overboard. She is legitimately traumatized and will have to go through her own grieving process. It's good that she went for counseling; she may need to go back.

Friends can and should support her, of course, but not by trashing the creep who jilted her at the altar. All that does is reinforce her bad judgement (for choosing him), which in turn takes a terrible toll on her self-esteem.

Don't overload her calendar. She needs time for quiet. But do plan things that are amusing and stimulating -- not just sitting around in a pity party, if you know what I mean. And take every single opportunity to point out her good points, to boost her self-esteem. The last thing she needs right now is more drama. Quiet strength is the medicine she can use.

Answer:
Chime In
Chime in now!
    More to Explore
    Do babies need cholesterol? - iVillage ... is some speculation that babies need dietary cholesterol ... bulky diet so meals must contain foods of high ... Chamomile tea: Is it safe during pregnancy? MORE
    Breastfeeding: Can nursing cause elevated cholesterol levels? During pregnancy, lipids and cholesterol levels fall during the first trimester and then rise throughout the remainder of your pregnancy. Increases in serum triglycerides, cholesterol, and free fatty acids are seen. This is not related to diet. The li MORE
    A healthy sex life: 10 reasons to make love Evidence points to the many health benefits of an active sex life. Sex Made Easy, an article published in Men's Health Magazine, gives 10 healthy reasons to hop into bed -- a reminder that making love is good for both body and soul.   MORE
    Babies: Nutritional guidelines for babies Babies are growing machines. In one year they will triple their birth weight and increase their length by 50 percent. To do that they need to eat, and they need to eat a lot, and they need to eat often.Besides growing physically, they are als MORE
    3.5 year old with high cholesterol - iVillage We have a 3 1/2 year old daughter who was diagnosed with high cholesterol. ... Raising your daughter on a healthy, low fat diet will help her deal with high ... MORE
    Soy milk or cow's milk for baby? A baby under one-year-old should be drinking neither soy milk nor cow's milk, but rather should be drinking breastmilk or a formula that can be either soy based or dairy based. Most pediatricians recommend a dairy based formula for infants bec MORE
    More Q&As

    See All Q&As

    Advertisement
    Care Circle

    It Seems That You Are Not Logged In...

    OR

    Join Now

    Welcome to Care Circle, an exclusive tool to help you take care of yourself and your loved ones. Here's how it works:

    1. Create profiles for yourself and your loved ones.
    2. Select the topics and conditions that interest each of you.
    3. Get customized news updates, original content, tools, and expert advice for each Care Circle member delivered directly to your personalized homepage.

    The information you input is strictly private; you choose who has access to your Care Circle.

    How do I add myself or someone else to my care circle?

    Click on "Add someone." Fill out the short profile. Choose an avatar. Select the topics and conditions that interest this person from the pulldown menu. You can select as many as you want, but you must choose at least one. Click on "Add Someone" again. You should start getting updates immediately.

    How do I save content to my Care Circle?

    Click on "Manage My Care Circle." Select the tab of the person for whom you're saving content. Put your cursor over the piece of content that you want to save; a disk icon will appear in the righthand corner. Click on the disk and the piece of content will be moved to a save folder.

    How do I add additional topics and conditions for someone in my Care Circle?

    Click on "Manage My Care Circle." Select the tab for the person whose preferences you'd like to update. Under "Add More to Follow," select additional topics and conditions.

    How do I delete topics and conditions for someone in my Care Circle?

    Click on "Manage My Care Circle." Select the tab for the person whose preferences you'd like to update. Under "Follows," scroll over the topic or condition you want to delete. An "X" should appear on the righthand side. Click on the "X" and the topic or condition will be deleted from the list.

    See All News

    Advertisement