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In our society, it has become increasingly difficult to turn down a girl who's interested in you without people thinking you're gay or weird. Fortunately, there are two ways to do it without anybody getting the wrong idea. The only problem is that one method is great and the other is terrible.
One night, I was at a bar with a buddy of mine and one of his friends from work when two girls started closing in on my boys. So I sat back and observed two very different styles of turning down women. One guy subtly conveyed to one of the girls that he wasn't interested in her, and before long, she got the hint and left with her dignity intact. On the other hand, his coworker went out of his way to be a jerk for no reason, and the girl left humiliated.
In case you didn't have this figured out by your first semester in community college, nobody wants to hang with the guy who makes other people feel bad on purpose. The funny, slightly cocky guy? Sure, everybody likes that guy (especially the women). The guy who's a jerk for no reason? Nope, everybody hates that guy. To make sure you fall into the first category -- and preserve your reputation for future pickups in the process -- here are some of the do's and don'ts for when you're not interested.
Call her the wrong name
Everybody knows you know her name because she just told you five minutes ago -- or maybe you've even known each other for months. You didn't just suddenly forget her name, and everybody knows it -- including her. It's a stupid move that only speaks to your immaturity.
If there is one thing every girl wants more than a new pair of shoes, it's respect. Aretha Franklin made an entire career out of searching for some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. When you suddenly quit paying her any attention and ignore her altogether, you are being extremely disrespectful.
"Mistakenly" send her nasty messages about her
Don't send her e-mails, text messages or voicemail messages that you "meant to send to your buddy Tommy" saying that she's not your type or she has bad breath or other such nasty things. Not only will you hurt her feelings, but if she figures out you lied to her to get rid of her, she'll be doubly upset. And keep in mind that this might backfire on you if she decides to seek revenge.
So how do you let her know you're not digging her without being a jerk or embarrassing her? A combination of these do's should do the trick.
Ask her about her hot friend
Women love to give advice and they are jealous of each other. Use both of these well-known facts to your advantage, and ask her what you should do to hook up with her hot friend. While she may initially want to latch onto you more, she will ultimately get the hint that you're just not feeling her, and she'll probably even find a way to blame it on her friend - double bonus points for you.
Tell her you have a friend that is perfect for her
After you've decided she's not the one for you, use the information you've gathered on her to push her onto another guy. Point out how your buddy also cried when he saw the movie What Dreams May Come (1998), or any other common points they may have. Your buddy may be annoyed, but at least you'll be rid of her.
Let her know how busy you are lately
Anytime she tries to contact you or you run into her, cut the conversation short. Bring up work, school or any other excuse to justify the fact that you have to run. Just be sure to point out that you love whatever it is that is taking up all your time and that you wouldn't change a thing about your life.
Subtly highlight clashes of opinion
Politics, morals, values -- there are all kinds of hot-button issues you can subtly drop that will turn her off. If you know she's a conservative, spout off something negative about the Bush administration and Fox News. If she has a kid, tell her you would never get involved with somebody who has children.
The not-so-direct approach
It sounds so simple, but spitting out the words "I'm just not that into you" can be extremely difficult. Get around this by letting her know that you're just looking for a good time. Say something along the lines of how much you would love to hook up, but you respect her too much to make her just a "friend with benefits."
Reject the right way
Being rejected is hard enough for anybody, and we've all been there at one time or another. But nothing is worse than having the person who rejected you make a fool of you as well. And keep in mind that letting her down easy is also a way to ensure that she doesn't tell all the women in town that you're a jerk; in other words, it's a form of dating insurance.