Swap Sex for Sleep? Yes, Please.

Day 1
5:30 a.m.: I wake up to the sound of my 10-month-old SCREAMING. Different day, same shit. My husband takes him so I can get a few more minutes of precious sleep. I feel guilty for turning him down last night, but all I could think about was sleep.
9:00 a.m.: Drop off 3-year-old at school and watch his Purim parade with my husband and other son. So cute. I got sentimental when husband told me he got a little teary-eyed. Reminds me of why I married him.
12:00 p.m.: 10-month-old is trying to walk and makes it up a flight of steps. Where did my little infant go?
10:00 p.m.: I fight to keep my eyes open to watch a show...fall asleep on couch.
11:00 p.m.: I finally wander upstairs for bed only to have my 3-year-old scream with nightmares as my head hits the pillow. Then he yells, "Mommy I have to pee!"
12:30 a.m.: Get back in my bed after falling asleep in 3-year-old's bed. He's afraid to fall back to sleep from nightmares. Glad we got a twin finally. It was hell squishing in the toddler bed.

Day 2
9:00 a.m.: Baby is screaming for 45 minutes until he finally falls asleep, then the cats wake him 10 minutes later. At least I got a shower while he screamed.
10:30 a.m.: The baby is miserable and I am exhausted. I'm feeling guilty for not spending any time with my 3-year-old. He keeps begging me for attention. I put on Wall-E. I try to get baby to nap AGAIN. He spends another 30 minutes screaming and choking until I finally break down crying myself and go get him.
11:00 a.m.: I bribe the 3-year-old with a doughnut from the drive-through Dunkin' Donuts in order to get this MISERABLE baby to sleep in the car. Think to myself, When did I become so weak? How can I let this little 10-month-old child get to me like this? I am used to running photo and video shoots with all types of egos and personalities. Where did I go?
11:30 a.m.: I still attempt to get lunch and items together so we can get in car to let the STILL-screaming 10-month-old in the car. Of course, I have a doctor's appointment and I am actually looking forward to the time alone. In the midst of all the screaming from both of my children now, I can't help but think how much I hate my life at this very moment. I want my 14-hour workdays back, trips to Spain, Mexico, London, etc., and my HUSBAND/marriage. I miss him. I miss us.
2:00 p.m.: Doctor's appointment. Procedure on wrist to drain fluid. Painful and now have a brace. I think changing diapers should be interesting. It's like an MMA match just to change him already—this should add a degree of difficulty.
6:00 p.m.: I pick up my husband at train. I am so happy to see him. The 3-year-old finally takes his nap in the car. Husband takes him up to his bed where he sleeps until 6:00 a.m. Husband totally steps up and helps around house and with dinner. He even does the laundry!
7:30 p.m.: Husband bathes baby and helps me get ready to nurse. The baby falls to sleep so quickly...
9:00 p.m.: I walk in to bedroom to find a freshly showered, naked husband. I give him a treat to thank him for his help!
10:00 p.m.: I pop half a Percocet that I still have left from my c-section for my wrist pain. Read for five minutes and fall fast asleep.

Day 3
5:27 a.m.: The baby wakes me with screams. That just tells you the type of day I have. Same shit, different day. After walking through the living room where it looks like Toys "R" Us threw up, I go into the kitchen only to trip on mini cupcake pans and spoons. Forgot to clean those up last night...oops!
8:40 a.m.: I cannot drop off my toddler at preschool fast enough. I think about all those moms who are kid-free for the next four hours. What would I do with all that time by myself? Gym, read, drink a hot cup of coffee and stare at the cutie coffee guy behind the counter? NO. I would go home and PASS OUT AND SLEEP. That is all I can think about—SLEEP!
6:00 p.m.: Husband can tell I had a bad day and offers to get takeout. He is more helpful than usual tonight and cleans the kitchen. These are the things I have grown to appreciate. I want to have sex, but I just can't muster up the energy. I am really unhappy with my body and that isn't helping matters AT ALL.
9:00 p.m.: I pass out on couch trying to watch a movie with husband.

Day 4
5:30 a.m.: When will this day be over? I just want to stay in bed and bury my head and not come out until tomorrow! My little guys are really cute today and somehow make me laugh. They are always laughing together or crying together. I hope they become the best of friends and watch out for each other.
9:00 p.m.: Husband makes joke about a quickie...I laugh at him and go do some laundry. I wish I could figure out how to make laundry a quickie...

Day 5
5:38 a.m.: Wake-up call from baby.
7:00 a.m.: With cereal all over the floor (from both kids), I think, When am I going to actually vacuum this rug? And why do I even care? Spend the day doing laundry and making sure I get the kids packed up for their SLEEPOVERS! Looking forward to dinner with friends in the city—it keeps me going all day!
2:00 p.m.: I run into an old friend while dropping son off at my sister's house (same town we grew up in). I can't lie when she asks how I like life in the suburbs now. I say I hate it. I miss the city and urban lifestyle. I really have nothing positive to say about living in a house...except for more space and a big kitchen. But that doesn't make up for mediocre food and chain stores.
7:00 p.m.: Great dinner in NYC. I feel like my old self again. I drink way too much red wine and smoke some cigarettes. My husband convinces me that we should call it a night.
10:30 p.m.: This is like when we used to GO OUT! I really want to stay in the city and never go back to my current life...but I know better. He wins and so does a good night of sleep. Being out in the city with him reminds me of the early days when we first met and how we fell in love with each other. He is still the only one I want to be with and share this with. We are a good team. We just get each other and it's easy (most days). He makes me laugh—a lot. And right now, that is what gets us through!
12:00 a.m.: We attack each other since there are no kids in the house! For once I don't really give a shit about my jiggly ass or flabby baby belly! I forget how much fun we have naked in our bed. My husband can just read me so well tonight and knows exactly what to do! I have an amazing orgasm and I think to myself, I really, really love sex. I have to have this more. Then I realize I am feeling so free because there are no children in the house—on either side of our walls. We fall asleep naked and don't have to worry about a little 3-year-old crawling into our bed after a bad dream.

Day 6
9:00 a.m.: Pure bliss. I sleep in until 9:00 a.m. I remember days I used to come home at this time. Husband admits to trying to wake me for some morning sex. I give him a look and he knows he was lucky he didn't wake me. I drink a hot cup of coffee and read some of my book. I savor the time alone and secretly dread being mommy again...
1:00 p.m.: It's time to pick up the 3-year-old at my sister's house and head to the in-laws' for baby. We sleep at the in-laws' since we have a party in the town Sunday morning. I missed those little smiley faces and it's nice to have Grandma and Grandpa for distractions. Husband tries to attack me on my way out of the shower...and then we hear pitter patter of little feet and in-law feet! Ahhhhhh… Guess that's not happening!

Day 7
7:00 a.m.: I wake up with my period. Husband is glad since Friday night was a little crazy and the doctor hasn't cleared him after his vasectomy! Phew. Week is fondly referred to as Blow Job Week.
10:00 a.m.: Birthday party gets canceled due to vomiting birthday boy. We come home to find our cat sick...he has been peeing on the floor. This happened five years ago, so we know the drill...husband is off to the emergency vet clinic. Part of me is so annoyed that he gets to take the sick cat and sit in peace and quiet at the vet while I deal with these two kids who are tired and out of sorts from the last few sleepovers. He comes home around 8:00 p.m. without the cat. He has to stay for a few days at the vet hospital.
10:00 p.m.: It's been such an emotional day. We collapse in bed and are half asleep before we can even kiss goodnight. Sex? What is that?

Day 8
Husband stays home in case we have to pick up the cat. The house is a mess. Everyone is tired. Everyone is screaming. I just can't wait for this day to be over. I hope to sneak out for a manicure and some coffee, but that never happens. I am bitter today and not liking my life in the burbs as a mommy. I wish I were at work. I want to run away from this right now. Husband tells me how I am still the sexiest woman in the world and hints to sex during the kids' naptime. Are you kidding me? I need a shower and have to do laundry. Besides, I have a cranky baby who won't let me put him down and is nursing more today than ever. I don't want anyone to touch me or look at me or need me. ALL OF YOU JUST GO AWAY.

Day 9
5:00 a.m.: Baby wake-up call. I feel like shit. My throat is so sore I can't even talk. I try and beg my husband to take the baby after I nurse him so I can take some Advil and sleep this pain off for an hour! Thankfully, he does, and when he wakes me up at 6:30 a.m., I feel a little better. Husband is working from home since we think we will pick up the cat today.
6:45 a.m.: The 3-year-old wakes up and requests eggs from his dad. Daddy makes both boys eggs. Baby eats eggs faster than we can put them on his tray. The 3-year-old drinks his juice and then refuses to eat eggs. (Note to self: Remember to hold off on juice until after he eats). I am too tired and sick to care at this point.
9:00 a.m.: An all-out battle of wills has gone on since 7:00 a.m. between Daddy and the 3-year-old. The 3-year-old is winning. The eggs are still on his plate. He cannot do anything until he eats. Seriously...I love him, but go the #$@* to work and stop yelling at the kids! While I totally agree with my husband, all I can think about is how this screaming is killing my head and how I just want to go up to my bed and sleep. It's like having three kids in the house today. Mommy can't be sick though. It just isn't allowed. I think to myself how this is the type of morning that I would have just rolled over and stayed in my cozy bed and called out of work. This job sucks some days. No vacation, no sick days, no lunch breaks.

Day 10
I think my husband has given up propositioning me for sex. I can't help but wonder if this is happening to my friends. Some of my friends that are nursing are also having a hard time with low sex drive. I think it's because you have children who need you all day and a baby who is attached to you. The last thing you want is someone else touching you! That and an extra 10 pounds of baby weight that just won't go away! I force myself to take the boys to the park and get some much-needed fresh air and adult conversation. It helps. It makes me miss living in the city, where I could just strike up a conversation with any of the moms or dads and not feel like a stalker. I watch my boys on the swings. The 3-year-old loves to push the baby on the swing. They laugh and smile at each other, and I stop for a moment and realize this is what being a mom is all about. Those little guys are mine, all mine. It's a fleeting thought, but I feel good for a little while anyway.

Day 11
6:00 a.m.: I wake to thoughts of, Nooooo...not again! I seem to really hate Thursdays, for some reason. I am so jealous that my husband gets to leave this house! I look through the help-wanted section and some of the online job sites. I seem to think a job is the answer. Then I realize it would just make me even more crazy! I think I must do something with these boys—get out of the house. See other adults. After breakfast and the baby's morning nap, I take the boys to the library. It's a good distraction. Then we go to the post office, coffee shop and barber for the baby's first haircut.
1:30 p.m.: We get back and have a late lunch. Baby CHOWS on his food while 3-year-old won't touch anything. He seems really tired, so I cover him on the couch and turn on his favorite movie. I put baby in for a nap. I hope to get some downtime and quiet.
1:50 p.m.: I hear, "MOOOOOOMMMMYYYYY," from the other room and know before I even walk in there...yep. THROW UP all over my 3-year-old and the couch and floor. I feel so bad for him. He is so upset. He hates throwing up. He actually apologizes to me. I tell him he doesn't need to be sorry, his tummy is sick and mommy will clean him up and that I AM SORRY HE THREW UP!
2:00 p.m.: The couch cover, blanket and pillow cover are off. Baby is screaming in the dining room for more food and the 3-year-old is shivering while waiting for me to set up the "sick couch." Set up "sick couch" and get bucket. Throw all the stuff in the middle of the kitchen floor...laundry will have to wait. I make sure my son is settled. I make a cup of tea, sit with son and open my book.
2:05 p.m.: Baby wakes screaming as usual—almost a whole five minutes of peace. I change disgusting poop and check baby for temperature. He is fine.
2:30 p.m.: More throw up. He completely misses the bucket. The baby crawls through the throw up that is all over the floor. Dilemma: Pick up baby and clean him before his puke-covered hands go directly in his mouth and leave throw-up boy on couch? I quickly strip the baby, wipe him down with wipes and put him in his crib SCREAMING. Run back downstairs and help son get undressed, again. I add his clothes to the pile of puked on items in the kitchen...feeling a little sick myself! I check him and he has a fever.
2:45 p.m.: I call husband at work and ask him to cancel his chiropractic appointment and to come home ASAP. I need backup. This is getting ugly. He says he will get the next train. I ask him to pick up ginger ale and saltines for our sick little guy.
3:30 p.m.: Awesome, more throw up. But he is starting to make it in the bucket...most of it, anyway!
7:00 p.m.: I manage to finally get all the puked-on items in the wash. I have a glass of wine for dinner. Good thing my husband is laid-back about dinner. He makes something for himself and we try to relax after bath time and bedtime for the boys!
11:30 p.m.: I hear the 3-year-old crying and calling for me. He has thrown up on himself while sleeping. He is covered. Husband and I work well as a team on this one...strip the bed, strip the child, clean the child, put on clean sheets, give him lots of kisses and tuck him back in bed. I lay with him for 15 minutes until he is asleep again. I walk in the bedroom covered in puke and jokingly say, "Want to get laid?" We both crack up and high-five each other!

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