Talk Dirty To Me
My fiance and I have a very loving relationship and have recently started to explore different avenues to enhance our lovemaking (videos, fantasies, etc.). The only problem we're having now is that I'm so timid when it comes to "talking" in the bedroom. He is very vocal and has no problem talking dirty to me (which I love), but I want to be able to do the same for him. He keeps telling me that he would love it if I would, but I can't seem to get the words out of my mouth -- even though I am always thinking them. I want to overcome my fears so I can have an even more fulfilling sex life with my fiance! Any advice is greatly appreciated. --K
Question:Dear K:
Your fiance is one lucky guy to have you! And vice versa. I am told by many women that they adore hearing "dirty talking" from their partners as part of their arousal. It works!
I suggest you work as a pair toward your sexual liberation in the "oral sex" department -- as in, talking sexually. Here's how: Years ago, I used to lead sex education groups for professional sexologists. One of their favorite exercises, designed to help overcoming the "sting" of some sexual language, went like this: I divided the group into smaller teams, each of which was given the formal term for a sexual body part (such as clitoris, vagina, anus, penis, breasts) or sexual activity (such as oral sex on a man/fellatio, oral on a woman/cunnilingus, sexual penetration of the vagina by a penis/sexual intercourse). Then each group wrote down all the slang words they could think of within a certain timeframe for their given word, without censoring. Next, each group read aloud to everyone else the words they wrote. They did this as an ensemble, like a loud chant. This was often reported to me as one of the most healing and soothing, liberating and uplifting parts of their training, as it created the freedom to say those sexual terms without any negative sting. Try recreating this exercise with your fiance, as a game. I think it will help you greatly.
If you also want to have some positive role models, rent or buy some adult movies. Listen to the language and repeat it as you watch -- perhaps several times -- so that you are saying the words along with the women on screen. At my site (www.yoursexcoach.com), we have several of the classics on hand in the store. You can also browse www.goodvibes.com or www.adameve.com, or go with your guy to a local adult store one night as a fun outing and browse the video shelves.
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