(Excerpted from You Can Do This! Surviving Breast Cancer Without Losing Your Sanity or Your Style. Copyright © 2009 by Elisha Daniels, Kelley Tuthill, and Dr. Ann Partridge. Reprinted with permission of Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC.)
For parents of dependent children a cancer diagnosis takes on a whole new dimension. We may worry about how our cancer will affect our parents, partners, and friends, but children must have our special consideration.
The key is to be honest and direct. You may be surprised how little they want to talk about it when you first introduce the topic. If you sense they have had enough information for one sitting, allow the conversation to come to its natural conclusion. You can then wait for questions as they come.
One way to spark a conversation with children is to ask them questions about how they perceive your disease and treatment. That way you can make sure they are handling everything okay.
Here are some basic parenting tips:
• Let your children know what's going on and what will happen next. If appropriate, offer some hope that there will be better times ahead.
• Find a quiet time to talk with your children. Listen to their fears and let them ask questions. Validate their feelings and let them know it's okay to feel sad, angry, or confused.
• Assure your kids that they will be cared for and loved.
• Remind children that cancer is not contagious, and that nothing they did caused your disease.
• Correct any misconceptions your children may have. Asking questions is a good way to figure out what they are thinking.
• Try not to make promises you may not be able to keep. Instead say, "I think I can" or "I'll try to."
• Keep your family's routines intact when possible and try to minimize disruptions.
• Keep schools and your pediatrician up to date about what's going on.
Dr. Paula Rauch founded the Parenting at a Challenging Time, or PACT, program at Massachusetts General Hospital and is the author of Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child When a Parent Is Sick. We asked Dr. Rauch to answer some of the key questions many parents have.
