I believe there are many roads to Rome -- and to multiple orgasms. By freeing ourselves of inhibitions, releasing old beliefs about our sexual capacities and learning the skills necessary, we can reach sexual ecstasy again and again, all in the same night.
First, it's important to set your mind at ease and get into the mood for sex to happen. Clear your mind of the thoughts of the day
Set the mood
Start with sensual time, alone or with him (or her). Run a bath and light candles while pouring in your favorite bubbles and scent. I recommend aromatherapy salts (found in most department and bath stores) to stimulate moods and relax the body, mind and spirit. Put relaxing and romantic music on the CD player, set aside some soothing body lotion or oils (natural is best) and dive into the warmth of the water for relaxation time. If your lover is with you, even better. This is a terrific way to relax together and get into the mood for lovemaking. You might give each other a back scrub or rub-a-dub-dub in all the right places, to allow those tight muscles to soften and to get your heads into gear for the delicious road ahead.
Couples report to me that there really is nothing to match a sensual massage for letting go and coming together. Take your turns to give and to receive this touch
Focus on foreplay
Many women need to have their breasts or nipples touched to become aroused. Have your lover include this in your prelude to sex, to ignite your energies. If you need some help, there are excellent teaching videos that show explicitly how to give a great sensual massage. I like the ones by AIM (1-818-784-9212), which are led by a sexologist, and the ones by Ray Stubbs, bodyworker extraordinare, whose books and tapes are among the best erotic teaching tools.
Most women report that they need to be kissed before feeling sexual. Perhaps that's because for some women kissing "feels" more intimate than sexual intercourse and turns on the faucet of loving emotions. In some ancient lovemaking traditions, passionate kissing is done only with those you truly love and trust. (Remember in Pretty Woman when the most intimate thing Julia Robert's character, the hooker-turned-Cinderella, could do was kiss Richard Gere? Same principle.) So get him to breathe into your breath with you as you explore each other's mouths. Learn to look eye to eye for that connection while you penetrate and probe the mouth with your tongue and breath. If your man is an "air kisser," teach him how to really kiss.
Oral sex is a valid sexual exchange, of course. But for most women it is not foreplay, whatever their male partners may say. Most women require foreplay in a variety of ways
Know thy genitals
Renowned sex educator Betty Dodson advises that all women (and men) should spend time at least once learning about their own anatomy. By sitting naked in front of a mirror and visually exploring your own landscape, you will find answers to your own questions about how you look and maybe how and why you do or don't work to your sexual capacity. Notice where your clitoris is; how the hood covers it; how your clitoral shaft protrudes; how low the opening to your vagina sits; whether your outer lips are fatty and cover you up or whether you are baring all to the wind.
Many women who have trouble getting to their single or multiple orgasms are those with a delicate, perhaps barely noticeable, clitoral hood or covering. If so, some may have shut down their sexual reactions to being touched there, as a way to dampen the continual sensations that they originally felt as girls or young women. Just as men must learn to ignore the signals from the clothes rubbing against their crotch, girls also learn to turn on or off according to what's necessary. By reframing those thoughts and learning to reassociate that part of the body with pleasure and being "on," women can redirect their orgasmic potential.
Find your hot spots
There are three possible areas for penetration and stimulation, not counting the mouth: the G-spot, vagina and anus. Probing and rubbing inside the first third of the vagina, either by hand, penis or vibrator, can bring a G-spot orgasm that produces heights of enjoyment. I always advise that you try toys that appeal to you and pick those that work for your particular style and wants. Go to such sites as Goodvibes.com, AdamandEve.com and yoursexcoach.com and explore the wide range of options. Some women need more direct or indirect clitoral stimulation while he's inside, while others need their partners to lick them to their zenith while having a finger or vibrating internal rod probe her deeply. Some women's excitement grows with a finger or vibrator in their anus.
Only you and your partner will know what does the trick for your anatomy, your sexual response pattern, your own relationship and the interactions that emerge between you two. Each couple have their own manner of expressing sexual energy, sharing loving feelings and lustful ones, and intermingling bodies. Find your own brand of merging and then add to it, like candles on the cake.
The path to multiple orgasms in women includes all the preparatory phases to get into the mood, following your natural sexual response patterns and then pushing through to the next level. Clear the mental, open the emotional, learn how to play the body like a musical instrument, and trust yourself (and your lover) to transcend the first pop and then keep going. I find that women often need to be given permission to have their first little "O" and then keep soaring before they break open the envelope. To find the multiple-orgasm level in you, let go, push past where you have left off before and bring your lover along to enjoy the ride.
Click here for a transcript of Dr. Patti's chat on female multiple orgasms.