Focus on foreplay
Many women need to have their breasts or nipples touched to become aroused. Have your lover include this in your prelude to sex, to ignite your energies. If you need some help, there are excellent teaching videos that show explicitly how to give a great sensual massage. I like the ones by AIM (1-818-784-9212), which are led by a sexologist, and the ones by Ray Stubbs, bodyworker extraordinare, whose books and tapes are among the best erotic teaching tools.
Most women report that they need to be kissed before feeling sexual. Perhaps that's because for some women kissing "feels" more intimate than sexual intercourse and turns on the faucet of loving emotions. In some ancient lovemaking traditions, passionate kissing is done only with those you truly love and trust. (Remember in Pretty Woman when the most intimate thing Julia Robert's character, the hooker-turned-Cinderella, could do was kiss Richard Gere? Same principle.) So get him to breathe into your breath with you as you explore each other's mouths. Learn to look eye to eye for that connection while you penetrate and probe the mouth with your tongue and breath. If your man is an "air kisser," teach him how to really kiss.
Oral sex is a valid sexual exchange, of course. But for most women it is not foreplay, whatever their male partners may say. Most women require foreplay in a variety of ways