Testing a Relationship with Distance
Dear Sherry:
I have been dating a guy for 16 months, the past three of which have been a lot more serious. We spend nearly all our time together and get along really well; we even get along well with each other's friends. I found out two weeks ago that I am being promoted and, as part of the package, have to relocate from LA to Chicago for 6 to 18 months. I know that he should not follow me, nor could I ask him to. But how do we evaluate whether we should try a long-distance relationship? Both of us are young (I'm 23 and he's 25) and firmly believe in dating for a long time before moving to the next step. Help!
M
Sherry Amatenstein
Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more
Dear M:
It sounds as if the two of you have built a solid foundation of mutual caring, respect, trust and passion. You also have smarts -- realizing that you're WAY young to take a step as huge as marriage.
A long-distance relationship can be a wonderful test of whether you and your boyfriend are truly meant to be. Continue speaking, emailing and snailmailing each other after you move, and schedule romantic weekends together. But you both should also see other people. If the bond between you grows stronger as time passes, you can move ahead with assurance that you're coming together for the best of reasons. If, ultimately, absence makes the heart grow less fond, well then, you'll know you gave the romance your best shot. And since the two of you have such a healthy relating style, you'll probably wind up with a friend, if not a lover, for life. And that's no small potatoes!
