There's No Good Excuse for Cheating -- Ever

Dear Sherry:

My boyfriend is an admitted past cheater who wants to change. However, during the past month it has become difficult. A young woman is after him. He told me he informed her that he is involved. But she replied that she is not concerned about that. Basically she wants to know what sleeping with him feels like. Now basically he is trying to avoid her and finding it hard since they have the same group of friends. Now every time he sees her she offers. My dilemma is, I feel so helpless. I told him he can't avoid her. He says he has to because he is afraid if she gets too close his body may betray him. So what do I do? Sit here and wait to see what happens like I am a bystander in my own life?



Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear mplus2000:

"His body may betray him?" Let me place that little gem beside "the dog ate my homework" and "the check is in the mail" on my Whoppers Wall of Fame. Does that mean he expects carte blanche if he cheats because his erection will have made him do it? Sheesh.

Tell him if he cheats you will blame HIM for the misdeed, not the provocation. Inform this "past cheater" that you're well aware that if a man really wants to discourage a woman, he's got the tools to do it. Add that it's crucial to you that your lover be a man you can trust. If he can't be that man, you can't be his woman. Period. End of story. No second acts. See you later, Charlie.

Just as his body can't betray him without his mind's consent, it's up to you whether to play the role in your life of bystander or pilot. Choose wisely.

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