Things a Man Should Never Do After the Age of 30

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1. Use the word party as a verb.

2. Shots.

3. Body shots.

4. Jell-O shots. Especially Jell-O shots.

5. Read a book with the words Zen and the Art of in the title.

6. Do impressions of Austin Powers characters, especially Dr. Evil.

7. Help friends move.

8. Ask friends to help you move.

9. Crash on a friend's floor or couch.

10. Refer to breasts as "chesticles."

11. Experiment with facial hair.

12. Let your underpants show above your jeans or below your shorts.

13. Apply paint to your face for any reason at all.

14. Own beer-drinking paraphernalia.

15. Own a skull bong.

16. Know the names of the current Real World cast.

17. Remove your shirt in public?unless there is sand and a large body of water nearby.

18. Use the word dude, except when referring to a ranch or a well-dressed Englishman.

19. Use the word dawg in a sentence when referring to a friend or, worse, yourself.

20. Own a futon.

21. Own a beanbag chair.

22. Hang art framelessly.

23. Hang tapestries.

24. Drink malternative beverages.

25. Don a puka-bead necklace.

26. Google ex-girlfriends.

27. Break up with a girlfriend by e-mail.

28. Engage in pranks involving airborne food.

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