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Health
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Health
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This just in from the Department of Wrong On So Many Levels: People are more satisfied with their marriages when the lady spouse has a lower Body Mass Index (BMI) than the man spouse. This according to a new four-year study of 169 newlywed couples published in the July issue of Social Psychological and Personality Science.
The researchers weren't able to say why skinny wives are good for marital bliss, but offered the theory that "attractiveness and weight are more important to men," ergo, they get sad if you get bigger. And I suppose a sad husband would lead to a sad wife?
Before we all get in a lather, it gets better: The researchers aren't saying that women have to be super skinny for their marriages to work out. "The great take-home message from our study is that women of any size can be happy in their relationships with the right partner," Andrea Meltzer, lead author and a doctoral candidate at the University of Tennessee told ABC News. "It's relative weight that matters, not absolute weight. It's not that they have to be small." Um, just smaller.
Feel better? Not so much? Yeah, me neither.
Despite what we see on King of Queens (schlubby Kevin James plus teensy Leah Remini), How I Met Your Mother (schlubby Jason Segel plus teensy Alyson Hannigan) and pretty much every other sitcom ever, women aren't always doll-like and wee in proportion to their husbands. And newsflash: Some of these husbands love their wives anyway.
I'm reporting from the front lines here. My husband, Dan, has seven inches and 25 pounds on me, but he's long and lean while I'm shorter and curvier, so fun fact: His BMI is two points lower. (The fact that BMI calculations don't consider your gender or build is just one of many reasons why it's not a perfect health assessment tool.) My waist is also two inches bigger. As in, I can't borrow his belt. And, if I put on a pair of his sweatpants to pad around the house they fit me pretty well, only longer.
Frankly, most days, all I do is plot how I can leave him for what these researchers would consider "the right partner;" a more appropriately rotund fellow. One who can provide some damn XXL sweatpants for me to swim around in, like a good husband should. One who will make me look skinnier in pictures. When I told him about this study, Dan was stoic. "I guess a part of me always knew our marriage was a sham due to the BMI difference," he said. "I was just blinded by the humor, kindness and respect that otherwise defines our relationship." Also, he thinks I'm hot. And vice versa. Ours is a forbidden love.
Trust me, people. It is okay to love and marry someone that is the same size, bigger or even smaller than you. Even Melzer cautions that maintaining the right marital BMI ratio "is not a guarantee to be happy" because, you know, relationships are complex. Science!
