A threesome ruined our relationship!

My husband and I recently had a threesome ‑- twice ‑- with a woman wholives in our neighborhood. The first time, there was no penetration between our friendand my husband. We all had a good time and laughed it off. But we did it again this pastweekend, and this time, they did have penetration. At the time, it didn't botherme, but in the morning, I was so confused and upset. I kept worrying that he and thisother woman would get closer and I'd be left in the cold ‑- or that maybe they'dactually had sex together before and I was just blind. I ended up telling my husband lotsof stupid things, like I feel that he doesn't care about me enough, that maybe I shouldgo away for a while? Now he and I aren't talking. My friend and I both agree that itshould never happen again. But right now, my mind is going bonkers, and I need to get myhead on straight. Please give me your advice.

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People are always asking me to give them permission to have a threesome or swing orhave an open marriage, and my answer is always the same: If you value the relationship,don't do it. People are constantly coming to my office with their relationship in tattersbecause things went badly. I'm not saying it can never work. Obviously, the people whodon't have problems don't go to see a sex therapist. But the dangers are so great that Idon't believe it's worth the risk.

If your husband has accepted the fact that these sexual escapades are over, then all itmight take to fix this situation is a little time to put the incident aside. Let him knowthat you're upset and ask him to be extra nice to you for a while. Then see how you feelafter a month or so. On the other hand, if he's making a long face about the end of theaffair or acting belligerent, then you might need professional intervention in order tosave your marriage. That would mean that, by engaging in a threesome, you actually didreal harm to the relationship and you might not be able to do the repairsyourselves.

Unfortunately, these situations can't always be fixed. Sometimes the jealousy is sosevere that one party can't ever forgive the other. Or one party is loath to spend therest of his or her life having sex with only one person. The reality is, an ultimatebreakup is one of the risks you take when you insert one or more other people into yoursex life.

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