19 Tips for Getting Past the Pain of a Partner's Infidelity

Lies and deception are bad enough, but when a spouse betrays you the shock can be devastating. Millions of marriages -- one in every 2.7 American couples -- are touched by infidelity. But what the numbers don't reveal is what betrayed spouses are doing to get past their personal trauma and rebuild their lives. Here, iVillage members of the Betrayed Spouses Support Group offer the candid guidance they wish they'd had.

Finding Out: What to do right after "D-Day"

"Take time off. Going away for a while (with or without children) helps you to gain clarity. Take a few days off from work. If that's not possible, go away for a weekend. Even if you can only afford to go down the street to a friend's house, the personal time is worth it." --elangro

"Surround yourself with people who love you. Ask for help and support from your parents, siblings and friends right away. Don't be afraid of what anyone might think, because this situation is not your fault." --elangro

"Learn to say "no". You are under extreme stress, but the rest of your life -- job, kids, friends -- won't calm down. Prioritize your responsibilities so that you can put some of them on the back burner. Start to tell people, 'I will have to deal with this low-priority issue later.' --lonelyforhim

Putting Yourself First

"If you don't have one, start your own bank account right away. Save as much money each week as you can. Even if your marriage heals, you can always use this account, and it's much better to be prepared than to get caught short." --marnaj

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