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If your goal is simultaneous orgasms, use the technique most sex therapists recommend. The basic idea is to give you clitoral stimulation almost right up to the point of orgasm — and then let his thrusting trigger the final orgasmic reflex. This effectively provides a "bridge" between clitoral stimulation and intercourse (that is, he stimulates the clitoris right up to penetration, then his thrusting takes over as your prime stimulation). Some studies show that up to half of women who couldn't previously climax through penetration alone gained that ability — without "priming" first! — after using this technique regularly.
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Deliberately Develop Orgasm Triggers
The more your brain travels a certain path neurologically, the more effortless it becomes. The act of smiling — actually curving your lips upward — lets your brain know you're happy, which triggers the release of serotonin, a hormone that makes you feel happy. The same applies to orgasm: The more signals of impending orgasm that your brain can recognize, the easier it will be to trigger the orgasmic response. Focus on the things you naturally do on approach to orgasm — sounds you make, how you move — then exaggerate them.
Stop the Clock
Women constantly ask me, "How long should it take to orgasm?" That's like asking me, "How long should a piece of string be?" (Plus, I hate the word "should"!) If you trip over your tongue just by looking at a guy and it's the first time his hands have gone south and you've just ripped each other's clothes off after a night out, you might orgasm in two minutes flat. If it's your partner of 10 years and you're tired and stressed and the kids are sleeping a few rooms away, it might take two hours. Statistics vary wildly, because this is something that's totally dependant on circumstances. Some say it takes an average of 20 minutes for a woman to orgasm; others say eight minutes of direct clitoral stimulation will do the trick. I say eight to ten minutes of direct contact sounds about right — but it totally depends on the variables.
His sexual system is simple. It's like a connect-the-dots game. On the other hand, to say that the woman's sexual system is complicated would be like saying you only need to be pretty good at math to be a rocket scientist! If you don't show or tell him how to touch you — and I mean when, where, how hard, how fast… in as much detail as possible — you might as well both give up right there and then. It's seriously not half as embarrassing as you think it is. Try simply opening your mouth and letting out a little moan to let him know you're enjoying what he's doing. Or give a sexy one-word command, like, "Softer." Take baby steps and you'll get there.
Understand His Motives
Men often have sex to feel wanted. Granted, it's hard to accept that he's really after affection when he has one hand up your sweater and the other diving down your skirt. But it's true. Sex for a man appears to be his primal form of giving; it's one way for him to feel accepted both physically and emotionally. Because some men still aren't as verbose or as comfortable with expressing emotion as women are, sex tends to be used as a means of showing his love and feeling close to you. If he really wants to say "I love you," he may suggest sex. So basically, when you reject sex with him, you're not just rejecting the sex. Adopt a new philosophy: When you say no, tell him when you want to have sex instead. And always make it clear you're just saying no to sex — not to a cuddle or to a cozy chat.