Torn Between Two Lovers

ON Jan 1, 1999 at 12:00PM

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I love two men who are totally different and wonderful in their unique ways. If I could roll them into one person I would be totally satisfied. The one I've been involved with longer wants to marry me -- how can I choose between them? I know someone's going to get hurt here! -- Donna

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ABOUT THE EXPERT

Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear Donna:

Why choose between the two? It sounds as if you're having too much fun playing the field to settle down. And the fact that you're so torn between two men means that neither one is the right one -- at least not now.

Absolutely do not marry one or the other simply because you feel it's time to settle down, or you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Marriage is something to enter into only when you can't imagine your life without the other person in it (and want only that person in it). Yeah, it would be great if you could take some qualities of Man 1 and some of Man 2 and create the perfect dreamboat, but, in an imperfect world, you gotta make do. (And just remember what happened when Dr. Frankenstein tried to assemble the perfect man out the parts of many.) Just treat both men with integrity and honesty, and the damage will be kept to a minimum.

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