This week began much as the last one ended … Rob and I are trying to conceive another baby, but time constraints, extended family commitments and sheer frustration have led us to back down somewhat from our efforts.
Unfortunately, I've resigned myself to the fact that this month probably won't bring about the desired result. All ovulation predictors indicate that we've missed the "window" during this cycle. In truth, that knowledge is somewhat reassuring.
My confidence is a bit shaken by friends who keep reminding me that because I'm still nursing it may be more difficult to conceive. In my mind I know that they are wrong. I feel that I know my own body and all signs point toward the fact that we should have been able to conceive many months ago if we'd timed it correctly.
I know that the opportunity will present itself again next month and the month after that. I want so very much to be pregnant, and to hold that wonderfully tiny baby a few months from now, but at the same time, I feel terribly guilty for wanting another baby. Jacob is growing so well, and I very much enjoy our days together. In my heart I know that there is room in our lives for another baby (or several), but a nagging little voice keeps reminding me how wonderful Jacob is and how much I enjoy nursing him and snuggling with him all night long as he shares our bed.
At week's end, Rob and Jacob and I shared a fun evening together. The fun must have been overwhelming, because Jacob decided to nurse himself to sleep early, and to allow me to put him down in his own bed. This left the evening open for Rob and me. After a surprisingly romantic evening, in which we stayed up well past our toddler-imposed bedtime, we finally settled down to sleep.
Jacob's call woke me and I was startled as I began to recall the dream I was having. I dreamed I was pregnant and our baby was a girl. Unfortunately, that's all I could recall. This is one dream I wish I'd written down, but finding a pen and paper in the wee hours of the morning while Jacob nursed himself back to sleep was not a possibility. While the images were unclear the underlying feeling was just as it had been that night at Disney World. A little voice kept telling me that our second baby is on the way.
Of course, it will still be another two weeks before we have any indication, one way or another. I mentioned my dream to Rob, but just as quickly dismissed it as my desires playing tricks on me. Still, I'll be certain to watch my diet, increase my water intake, and be more dedicated to those daily prenatal vitamins I've been taking.