Trying to Conceive: Finding the Strength

I knew that I had reached a new point in my life when my sister-in-law said that she and my brother were going to try to have another baby next summer. Before, I would have thought, "Oh, I hope I have a baby by then," or maybe, "I hope I'm pregnant by then." This time, when I heard it, I just thought to myself that it would happen for them and I probably still wouldn't be pregnant, much less have a child by then. I used to always think of how close in age my child would be to his or her cousins or friends' children and now I don't do that. I've passed too many milestones and have been disappointed one too many times to keep doing that to myself.

I have a lot of fears, too. I fear that maybe once I actually have a child I'll realize I made a huge mistake. I'll wonder why on earth I poured so much energy into trying to have a baby when my life was just great with only me and my husband and our menagerie of pets. Of course, I hear from people who have children that I won't feel that way and I'll be a great mom. But, after thinking about this for three years, you start to have doubts.

In the end I've decided to just see what happens. I charted last month and I didn't get pregnant. I don't think I'm even going to bother with it this month. One of my New Year's resolutions was to aggressively pursue a pregnancy. It's six months into the year and nothing has happened so I'm giving up. There, I said it!

If I don't get pregnant "by chance" I guess I'll live what the Carters, authors of "

Like this? Want more?
preview
FILED UNDER:
Connect with Us
Follow Our Pins

Yummy recipes, DIY projects, home decor, fashion and more curated by iVillage staffers.

Follow Our Tweets

The very dirty truth about fashion internships... DUN DUN @srslytheshow http://t.co/wfewf

On Instagram

Behind-the-scenes pics from iVillage.

Best of the Web