Photo Credit: Courtesy of Summit Entertainment
I was at my neighbor’s house the other day and her nine year-old daughter sat down at the table with me and asked: “Soooo, who’s your favorite character?”
My favorite character of what? Disney movies? Are we talkin’ Hannah Montana, or like Monsters vs. Aliens?
“No, my mom said you love Twilight, and OMG, me too! I am so in love with Jacob. How about you?” she squeaked eagerly, awaiting my answer.
Okay, so full confession, I have a very unhealthy obsession with the Twilight series and the main character, Edward Cullen. I also believe, after giving the subject way too much thought, that this is either a sign of total immaturity or a mid-life crisis. So, either I’m mentally stuck in high school, or wishing I was back there.
“Are we having this conversation? Aren’t you nine?” Hello, clearly the fact that you love Jacob is a sign of your immaturity. “Everyone knows Edward is like, the ultimate hottie,” I continued, drawing a line in the sand between me and the child that stood before me.
Watch iVoices Duke it Out over Edward and Jacob:
“Yeah, he’s cute, but I like werewolves better than vampires,” she replied, shrugging off my belligerent tone.
“What?! You’d rather date a werewolf than a vampire?” I replied. Clearly, I needed to talk myself down. Jenny, don’t get yourself all worked up. What does she know anyway!?! She’s nine! As we continued to talk, I noticed her Jonas Brothers concert t-shirt and reminded myself that although we may have the same taste in literature, and nail polish, I was the adult here.
So I did the most adult thing I could think of, and bragged. One of my readers had just sent me a very racy version of what supposedly happened on Edward and Bella’s honeymoon. It contained a portion of the evening’s events that the author allegedly skimmed over to keep the books appropriate for her teen & tween audience. I told my nine-year-old friend that while I'd gotten to read them, she could see that special, more “adult” chapter only when her mom said it was okay. I got great joy in dangling that carrot, and even more joy as I finished my sentence with an old-fashioned tongue-out raspberry.
Nonplussed by my actions, she ran to her room and returned with a picture, the fold out kind that you pull from Tiger Beat Magazine, or One Day I Will Be a Know-It-All Magazine or whatever the teenie boppers are reading these days. You know, the ones that show young girls who are famous and rich and handsome boys who are out of reach, and in turn, set their readers up for future disappointment and body dysmorphia.
She handed it to me, and I opened it up to find a picture of Robert Pattinson, the actor that plays Edward Cullen. I think her poster was a peace offering, and in hindsight, a very mature response to my childish behavior. I looked at her, and then the picture and thanked her. Then as I went to leave, I said, “By the way, the Jonas Brothers suck! Yeah, they’re for babies and you love them.” So who’s the most mature one in the room now?
Jenny Isenman is an iVoice on iVillage and writes about everything from her daughter's bout with apple juice addiction to how to get rid of cellulite on her blog The Suburban Jungle. Follow Jenny on Twitter @suburbanjungle.