In Betty's new writing class, an emo kid reads his short story aloud to much applause by Betty. Her bitter new teacher, Professor Barrett is not impressed- he takes the opportunity to rename her Clappy. Betty has a new nickname for him too- "Simon Cowell with a Pulitzer". Dead on.
Papa Suarez is back in town, and all things are back to normal at the house- until Justin shows up wearing clothes four times his size and drinking OJ straight from the carton. Gross. The straight-A kid is flunking algebra at school, and Hilda doesn't seem to care, insisting that he can catch up. What happened to my beloved little elf? And why is Hilda egging this behavior on?
Alexis gets back to work at Mode looking like a complete drag queen, boobs all hanging out and totally awkward in heels. At least Amanda knocks a little sense in her "Friends don't let friends wear glitter before noon!" At her first meeting back, Alexis has a brilliant idea for this month's cover girl of Mode- she's sexy, she's out there... she's Anna Nicole Smith! BAM! Poor thing. The girl needs a year's worth of back issues of US Weekly, now. She has a breakdown in the washroom with mascara and liner smeared all over her face. Actually, I think this look suits her better than the two rectangular streaks of blush earlier.
John Cho (aka Harold, the one who went to White Castle with Kumar) guest stars as Kenny, Henry’s co-worker in the neighboring cubicle. Kenny’s tactful eavesdropping reveals that the father of Charlie’s baby is still unknown.
In a desperate search for her father, Amanda recovers old issues of Mode to see who Fey was socializing with the year she was born. She finds an old photo of Fey Sommers partying at Palladium with her strangely familiar looking assistant, Wanda. It turns out that Wanda is Wilhelmina after extensive plastic surgery and lots of Botox later. Flash back to the 80s at Studio 54, all Wil remembers is a man with a tweety bird tattoo on his behind, which we believe is the identity of Amanda’s father. Wil isn’t entirely evil I suppose- she gets a hold of the guest list from that fateful night at Studio 54, and Amanda is on a new mission. Apparently, Fey quit smoking (eventually) while she was pregnant- “If that’s not motherly love, I don’t know what is!”, Wil says.
When Betty gets Daniel’s signature fake smile and thumbs up on her essay, Betty knows that he didn’t like it, and loses confidence in her piece. Completely intimidated by the evil stares from her Simon Cowell-esque prof, Betty reads the first line of another woman’s essay submitted to Mode, accidentally mixed up with hers. She stops- but he urges her to continue. And so, begins the story of how Betty had a near-death experience with a bear that just about bit her ear off, and how the meaning of her survival is oh-so-clear now that she’s pregnant! Simon Cowell is impressed- Betty pulled a Kelly Clarkson! But Betty’s guilty conscience eats at her when she dreams of her cursing stuffed animal bear Poquito, seeking revenge.
Justin’s erratic behaviour prompts Betty to ask for Henry’s help in being his algebra tutor. Meanwhile, Wil plots her future as co-chair of any Meade publication, but extreme sports, cakes, and video games don’t interest her. Mode is the only fashion publication Meade owns… what to do, what to do!
Professor Barrett stalks Betty at her office with good news- he sent “her” story to the New York Review and they want to meet with her! So Betty reasons to them that since she works at Mode, she wouldn’t want to have an article written by her published in a competing magazine. The cover works, and she’s out of there.
James Van Der Beek guest stars as the rep from Atlantic Attire, a huge potential client for Mode. The only problem? Atlantic Attire doesn’t want to be associated with a company that has a “man in a skirt” as a co-chair. He pretty much wants Daniel to fire Alexis. Daniel refuses, and Wil surprisingly supports him. She gives him the “we’re all family” speech, but we all know the Devil is up to something. Because she can’t have Mode, she’s going to destroy it so her dream of having her own fashion magazine can come true.
Alexis is touched that Daniel protected her, and he fesses up to the real reason behind the accident. “It was just an accident”, she says, and forgives him.
But somebody else shows up in Betty’s seat back at work- the real writer behind the story that Betty read as her own! Luckily, Daniel remedies the situation in time- saying he mixed up the two stories and offers double the fee for her story. Betty is off the hook again! She tells him that she lost confidence when he didn’t like her piece, and Daniel tells her that she shouldn’t put him on a pedestal. Betty goes to class next time, with her own story to read. That’s my girl!
After failed attempts at tutoring Justin, Henry catches Justin at home making out with a a pre-pubescent version of J.Lo- the girl is drinking too! WHAT IS THIS!! What happened to Justin? Where did his style go? Where did this attitude come from? Where did they get that liquor!
Henry completely freaks out at Justin’s behaviour, which makes Betty wonder why he is so concerned. “Because I’m gonna be a father soon!” What the…
He found out a few days ago, and why didn’t he tell Betty? The longer he kept it a secret, the longer he could keep the fantasy alive that there was a chance in being with her…
Henry and Betty are officially DUNZO!
But…but… maybe Charlie lied about the results? Maybe there is some kind of twist? This can’t be the end of Henry and Betty! Where did the sandwich guy go? And will the real Justin please come back? I’m sick of this bad boy act he’s trying to pull, it’s really doing nothing for the memory of Santos!
