Unexpected breakup -- Dating Tips

Dear Sherry:

Help! I met someone who was coming out of a long-term relationship who said he was "ready to move on," couldn't believe he "finally found what he was waiting for," said "we" would build a house together, etc., etc. He was cheated on by a verbally abusive, materialistic girl and was so pleased to find a nice, sincere, caring person (me). I'm 32 and was happy with him and our situation. He dumped me cold over a fancy dinner three weeks ago, and I haven't heard from him since. He's not with her; she's moved on with someone else. I'm REALLY taking this personally and need some reassurance that this is normal and that it's not about me. I'm also hating men too much right now.



Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear mbslp:

It's not about you, it's not about you, it's not about you! This guy is in the midst of the rebound crazies. Clearly not used to being alone, he clutched onto sweet, sane, adorable you like a Titanic passenger grabbing at a life raft. But most of what he said to you ("let's build a house together;" "you're the one I was waiting for") were cotton candy phrases -- all fluff, no sustenance. He meant them in the moment, but for Rebound Man, the moment is all there is. He's getting by day to day, deep in recovery mode after suffering a painful betrayal. He literally doesn't know which end is up and won't be a functioning, trusting human being for a while yet.

Please don't let his insensitive behavior turn you into a man-hater. And don't become distrustful of all men because of the pain one man has caused you. Just use your good judgment and common sense to gauge the veracity and true meaning of passionate promises a new beau whispers to you in the heat of, yes, the moment.

Now repeat after me: "From now on I won't get involved with a separated man until I'm convinced he has his EMOTIONAL divorce decree. From now on I won't get involved with a separated man until I'm convinced he has his EMOTIONAL divorce decree. From now on ..."

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