Valentine's Day Fail! 10 Dishes You Should Never Order on a Date

Of course you're eyeing that gorgeous shellfish platter, and that glistening bowl of pasta--but avoid them at all costs.

Breath Destroyers

Breath Destroyers

thrillbillygourmet.com

No amount of Binaca will cover up the breath you'll get from a steaming bowl of delicious French onion soup. Save it for a night out with your best friends.

Get the recipe for this soup from Thrillbilly Gourmet

Splattering Time Bombs

Splattering Time Bombs

cookingclassy.com

Rule of thumb: If a sandwich has "sloppy" in its name, there's probably a good reason for that. Also, stay away from other messy sandwiches that are likely to fall apart as you eat them, turning your decolletage into a food-splattered disaster area.

For a non-date night, the recipe for this sloppy Joe is at Cooking Classy

Challenging Workouts

Challenging Workouts

foodiecrush.com

Wrestling with crustaceans is no joke. Especially on a first date. Some people may love the way you show that sucker who’s boss, but others may find the violent smashing of shells a little...off-putting. Best save this meal for date #3...or 10.

Get the recipe for these Alaskan King Crab legs from Foodie Crush

Escape Artists

Escape Artists

stephaniecooks.blogspot.com

You may be hoping for a Lady and the Tramp moment as you share a plate of spaghetti with your date, but consider the risks involved--say, a spaghetti waterfall spouting from your mouth. (Do you slurp all the noodles into your mouth, or sever the strands with your front teeth and let them fall back into the bowl?) Plus, Italian food = GARLIC. Note: This rule also applies to lo mein noodles.

Still, if you must have this (awesome-looking) spaghetti asap, the recipe is at Stephanie Cooks

Primitive Pickings

Primitive Pickings

ashleymarieskitchen.com

Anything you have to gnaw off the bone—ribs, wings, fried chicken—is perhaps best saved for another occasion. Plus, that sticky barbecue sauce is going to be impossible to get off your face.

Get the recipe for these barbecue ribs from Ashley Marie’s Kitchen

Teeth Magnets

Teeth Magnets

motherthyme.com

Opting for a light salad full of energy-filled spinach to give you stamina for the night ahead may seem like a great idea. Except when you give your date a seductive smile with a big gob of spinach stuck between your front teeth.

Moral of the story: Spinach salad is best eaten at home. Get the recipe for this one from Mother Thyme

Fragrant Feasts

Flatulence Promoters

highheelsandgrills.com

Beans, beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you.... ‘Nuff said.

Not dissuaded? Get the recipe for this chipotle bean burrito from High Heels and Grills

Stubborn Spices

Pore-Seeping Spices

mongoliankitchen.com

The pungent spices in Indian food taste terrific, but their aromas tend to linger all over you. The rich sauces can also give your stomach an all-too-exciting night. We assume you want to spend the evening in the bedroom, not the bathroom.

But do try this Malabar prawn curry another time. Get the recipe from Mongolian Kitchen

Fire-Starters

Fire Starters

sandraseasycooking.com

Spicy food may get the endorphins pumping, but it can also make you sweat and cry. Mopping your brow with your napkin while mascara runs down your cheeks is not a good look.

On a less-momentous night, try this recipe for Chinese sweet and spicy boneless chicken at Sandra’s Easy Cooking

Belly Expanders

Belly Expanders

peasandcrayons.com

Cauliflower is a wonderful, versatile vegetable and a fantastic substitute for mashed potatoes, but the bloat it can cause should make you think twice about ordering it on V-Day. Ditto for Brussels sprouts, broccoli and cabbage.

Make this mashed cauliflower with caramelized onions and roasted garlic for your friends another time. The recipe is from Peas and Crayons

Ellen Sturm Niz is an editor and writer living, parenting and working in New York City. Follow her on Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, and Google+.

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