Chat with Patricia Evans, author of Verbal Abuse: Survivors Speak Out

Patricia_Evans: File the papers if that's what you intend to do.
Freakyfairy: I cannot move at this time -- it's not possible -- but I have already filed.
Patricia_Evans: It is important to know that threatening and forcefulness in the way you describe IS abuse. So he is not just moving toward abuse. He is definitely abusive.
Freakyfairy: He insists on seeing the kids whenever he wants. I took away his key and stuff but he comes over whenever he pleases. He owns the house I live in and he pays the bills. I have nowhere to go, I have no choice. I don't work and have two small kids.
Patricia_Evans: Another book (not mine), The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker, may also enlighten you. And, of course, The Verbally Abusive Relationship book is important to read so you can recognize abuse for what it is.
Freakyfairy: I will have to read that.

Cmtdarden: Up next is peozeeo.
Peozeeo: How do you define verbal abuse? What about lack of communication? The man in my life gets angry and doesn't speak to me for three or four days (we don't live together). Is this non-communication a kind of abuse, or is it just stupidity or disrespect?
Patricia_Evans: Peozeeo, withholding is the first category of verbal abuse. It defines you as non-existent. Words that define are abusive.

Cmtdarden: Up next is swfl.
Swfl: Can abusers recover? I'm talking about periodic sexual abuse as punishment and emotional abuse, no hitting. I also have BPD, which doesn't help; I'm not sure if it's always him or sometimes the BPD. It's so confusing.

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