Viagra: WAY Too Much of a Good Thing

ON Jan 1, 1999 at 12:00PM

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Dear Dr. Patti:

Help! I'm 45 and exhausted! My 52-year-old husband is on Viagra, and he's turned into an animal! I can't keep up. I don't want to keep up. I almost wish he were impotent again. Please help.

R

Question:

Dear R:

Welcome to the world of Better Sex through Chemistry. Although the media are rampant with glowing fairy tales about the wonders of Viagra, few are telling the whole story. The truth is that popping a sex pill does not a love life make. And, for the wives of the formerly impotent (or men who have been suffering in the past with erectile difficulties), life can be even more frustrating and pressured. Female partners of Viagrans are now reporting that there is a new game in town affecting their sexuality. Suddenly their formerly sweet and soft lovers of the past are transformed into ravenous beasts with unquenchable appetites, including the astounding result from this medication that eliminates the male's refractory period. That's the time after he has had a lasting erection, orgasm and ejaculation; and with Viagra he has the ability almost instantly to regain another erection -- and whoa, Nellie, there he goes again!!

For women like yourself, who have NOT been used to this pattern of sexual relating, it may not seem fair for him or you to expect an immediate turn- around in your shared sex together. It takes time to renegotiate your wants, reestablish old or create new ways of being sexual as a couple, now that his "able assistant" is always ready. For you, be careful to openly talk with him about your desires, concerns and experiences now that he is a wild stallion. Assure him that you are not going to refuse sex but that you both need to find a new norm for this type, style and frequency of physical intimacy.

To add to your comfort, be sure to use plenty of sexual lubrication, if having an active penis in your vagina for lengths of time is new for you. And, finally, realize that this is like having a new toy; that perhaps after some time, when he regains his sexual equilibrium and the sheen wears off from these born-again sensations, all will find its natural ebb and flow. Keep the faith, talk about it, and enjoy it all you can.

Dr. Patti

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