Posh Dresses in Toilet Paper for Shower: What Is It With Horribly Embarrassing Shower Games?

Ever-posh and pregnant Victoria Beckham is a much better sport than I am. This week she was tweeting about her celeb-studded baby shower (friends Eva Longoria, Selma Blair, and Nicole Richie all attended) and posting pictures of herself and friends wrapped in the toilet-paper dresses they created. “So much fun” she gushed, adding not five but six exclamation points.

I like babies of course, and I love buying and giving presents, but I do not like baby showers. Mostly because of the games. Can I be the first one to point out that if a group of 20, 30 or even 40-year-olds actually enjoyed humiliating party games, we would play them more often? (Drinking games don’t count.)

When was the last time you and a bunch of your non-pregnant pals passed around a bowlful of cotton balls and a spoon and challenged each other to see who could scoop the most onto the top of her head? Have you ever announced at a cocktail party, “Hey guys, I know! I have seven packs of gum in my purse. Why don’t we each chew up like four or five sticks and see who can sculpt the best person out of it?” And trust me, if anyone dared to guess how many strands of spaghetti it would take to circle my thigh at my birthday party, they’d leave with an embarrassing stiletto-print on their backside. 

Since mortification seems to be the unifying theme of most baby shower games, I came up with a few that I think the "folks who can't get enough baby shower games" are going to love:

*Let’s watch prego try to tie her shoes.
*Guess how much she weighs (Oh wait! This actually is a horrible, real life baby shower game!)
*Duck Duck Moose (This one’s doubly fun because she can’t get up from the ground or run!)
*Watch how fast she gets winded.
*Name as many US presidents as you can. (Haha! Get it? She can’t remember where she parked!)
*Pool: How long will her labor last?
*Draw the mom-to-be from behind.
*Let’s go bikini shopping!

Of course, the guests should all get obnoxiously drunk and then the pregnant host can drive everyone home. That sounds fun, too, no?

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