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Is an unrealistic attitude about love -- and what love should feel like -- keeping you from feeling satisfied? In her new book, Zen Miracles, Relationship Saver Dr. Brenda Shoshannah says, "When we are ready to wake up from fantasies, we find love and joy everywhere. This is the work of Zen practice." Read this excerpt to find out which of your notions about love might be illusions holding you back from real contentment -- and how you can truly let them go.
"Something is always missing," Karla said. "In the beginning of the relationship I never suspect it's going to turn out this way again. He always seems like the perfect one, finally. We're happy, excited, deeply in love, and then - reality sets in. Little traits of his start to annoy me. He forgets to call when he says he will. I start wondering who he really is? Our time together becomes run-of-the- mill, and the thrill of seeing him disappears. I look at him and wonder what I loved. Suddenly he's a stranger, and I'm a stranger to myself as well. I don't feel beautiful anymore. The light has gone from my eyes."
Of course the light can never leave Karla, but her experience is that something vital has disappeared. This happened because she was living in the grip of counterfeit love, responding to an illusion. Karla initially saw her boyfriend as perfect. She most likely knew little about him, only about her dream of him. Was she ever able to actually see or touch the real him? Did she see the part of him that is perfect, his true self?