Breakup Survival

Week Three: Revamping Your Social Scene

When you and your ex parted ways, you probably also said good-bye to a few friends. You may have lost them because they were your ex's friends to begin with (so you felt you had no choice), or, disillusioned by your breakup, they may have left the lives of both you and your ex. You may have decided to shed others, seeing that they could no longer contribute to your life in a positive way.

Losing people in the wake of a breakup can be yet another painful aspect of the experience, but you might be surprised to find that it can also be quite a relief. The space you create in your life allows new members of your community to shine and often lets old members play more important parts than they could in the past. Instead of a community based on the ups and downs of your romantic life, you now have the opportunity to choose exactly whom you wish to invest in, gaining the chance to build a wide, varied and comfortable safety net that supports you while letting you be exactly who you are.

In some ways, you're likely very different from the person you were before your breakup. Of course, the fundamentals of your personality are still intact, but a painful breakup can change the way you feel about a number of important life issues. Just as your attitudes may have changed about how you see yourself and what you want, the role you play in your community may also have changed.

How your friends react

For starters, you may have been surprised at the various reactions you saw in your friends when they heard about your breakup. They may have been shocked, or they may have seen it coming from a long way off. Many women find that their friends, who are often privy to the troubles going on in a relationship, are glad it has finally come to an end. Of course they're sympathetic to the grief the breakup brought, but don't be surprised if they're also very relived that you're out of a bad situation.

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