Rob Lowe gets his freak on, Paris Hilton cashes in and Pamela Anderson stars in a double feature in Daily Blabber's celebrity sex tape special.
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So here's the dildo: Sex tapes: they aint what they used to be. Or are they?
Forget about whether or not you ate too many Taco Supremes or your butt looks like an orange rind. Forget about your bedspread from 1996 that came with your mattress. Focus instead on that grainy out-of-focus digitalis of you with your honey bunny... or someone else's honey bunny. Suddenly it's on the internet and your dentist is downloading it. Now if you're badboy Tommy Lee, this is a big BOON-er. But what if you're running for office or your winkus is a little dinkus? You might as well move to Malawi.
Super title: CELEBRITY SEX TAPES: BOON OR BUST?
Almost all sex tapes are a great last-ditch career boost, at least for certain types of celebs. Consider if you will KISS frontman Gene Simmons, recently caught on tape having sex with someone other than Shannon Tweed, his partner since 1985 famous for her career in pay-per-view erotic thrillers So it's not like the broad's Tipper Gore. Also, Gene and Shannon have a reality show whose ratings may be needin a little umphin umphin. According to TMZ.com, Gene's lawyers are attempting to shutdown the hot vid vis-a-vis the copyright infringement tip. How's that? Simmons himself owns the video and the facepaint that the website is using to promote it. Amazing work, Gene. BOON that BUST AND Rock and roll all night! SEX SELLS!
NOW let's think back to 1988. The year of the so-called Rob Lowe sex scandal. Okay, it was the eighties, Diet Coke still had one calorie and there was no internet, but still, Lowe's tape showed the Bratpack star mid-schtup with two different shorties, one of whom was sixteen. On the same tape was a segment of Sodapop having a menage with a gal and a GUY. This was the part that went public and went down in history as one of the first commercially available celebrity sex tapes. You go, Rob. Lowe's career was damaged, he went into rehab for sex addiction, but bounced back with West Wing. So I'd have to say BOON-doggle.
Speaking of bust, let's not forget my personal hero Pamela Anderson and her two "stolen" sex tapes, one with rocker and babydaddy Tommy Lee and one with Rock of Love Bret Michaels. The Tommy tape is by far the best in terms of cinematography and eye-wear. Also that Tommy, much like Colin Farell has certain enormous gifts. Plus, the boat's nice. It's kinda romantic. And if one were to watch people going at it, you'd want it to be Pam and Tommy rather than Captain Kangaroo and Barbra Streisand. Also, the Brett Michaels sex tape coincidentally unspooled just before the escape of Pam's flick Barb Wire. Again, BOON.
And who could forget 2004's One Night in Paris. An unforgettable cinematic treasure in which the heiress and then-boyfriend Rick Salomon made Le Beast in night vision. Initially, Paris tried to stop said tape but later--surprise surprise--agreed to its commercial release. Check this: not only did notoriety from the tape augment her infamy, but Hilton still receives PROFITS from the tape. Forget about residuals and the writers' strike, just snap your snapper on camera. I'd say BOON-tang.
Finally, we have Kim Kardashian, Paris' pal, and the sex tape she made with Brandy's younger brother, Ray J. In February 2007, Vivid Video bought the tape for $1 million from an unidentified source. Though Kim claims she didn't sell the tape because she quote "doesn't need the money" one wonders who the unidentified source is and if her initials happen to be KK. Also, since Kim doesn't have a lot going for herself besides Keeping Up With the Kardashians, I'd have to say call Dustin Diamond, even Neil Diamond, fax your waxer and French wrap your nails, cuz these are the moments. BOON, BOON. These are the moments.
See you tomorrow. Until then, check out the Daily Blabber blog for more amazing celebrity gossip. Or stay right here for more Daily Blabber TV. I'm Emily Stone. Smell THIS.