This Is What Your Pet Is Getting You for Valentine's Day

Who says Valentine's Day has to be all about humans?

Valentine's Day is great! But, um, not if you're alone.

Just because you haven't found your significant other doesn't mean the day has to be a total waste. If you own an animal/pet then you're life is (probably) full of love. So what would your pet give you for the holiday if it had an income, purchase power and opposable thumbs? Find out below.

 

1. Dogs: A poo

Dogs love humans, we go together like PB&J, but we can't pretend they'd be very good gift givers (they'd probably get too excited and tear the wrapping paper). A single solitary poo left under the dining room table is about the best your little pup is going to do for you this holiday.

 

 

2. Cats: A dead mouse

Are you happy or grossed out? It's an unusually sincere gesture from an otherwise unaffectionate animal, so perhaps it's more important just to be thankful the little furball even remembered you exist. Now, hurry up with that tuna can.

 

 

3. Sheep: A sweater

We're going to stop you right there because: Yes, people do keep sheep as pets. Granted, they're probably farmers. Regardless, if those b-a-a-a-d boys had any say in picking out your gift, we think a nice merino sweater is exactly what they'dchoose. 

 

 

4. Birds: Yesterday's newspaper...covered in droppings

Listen, he's a winged animal and you keep him in a tiny jail cell. Odds are he doesn't want to give you a gift anytime soon.

 

 

5. Goldfish: Plastic treasure chest from the bottom of the tank

There's value right in this guy's name, so you know he'll go all out to show off his lavish lifestyle. The biggest problem here is that he'll forget he gave it to you three seconds later and immediately assume you're a no good thief.

 

 

6. Rabbits: Its lucky foot

Yikes. Talk about sacrifice.

 

7. Turtles: A helmet

It's safety first for this little guy, so a helmet seems practical from his point of view. Just don't expect to recieve it on the 14th, he'll probably be a few days slow in getting it wrapped. 

 

 

8. Hamsters: A treadmill

Where is a hamster going to get that kind of dough you might (or should) be asking? She's got a rainy day fund squirrled away in those paper shreddings and if you won't get yourself off the couch, she's going to train you herself, one spinny wheel workout at a time.

 

 

9. Horses: Sugar cubes

HA, just kidding, she's totally going to eat them before you even knew they existed. Silly horse. 

 

 

10. Snakes: Old skin

Is it a strange gift? Yea, it certainly is. But we're also guessing that if you're a snake owner, you might sort of be into that type of thing.

 

11. Frogs: Flies

EWWWWW. Seriously though, you shouldn't have.

 

12. Goats: Goat cheese


Finally, something practical. Who doesn't love some delicious goat cheese? It'll be great to enjoy with that bottle of wine you're probably sharing with no one since you own a pet goat. (Only kidding!)

 

Drew DiSabatino is a viral writer for iVillage. Follow him on Twitter and Google+.

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