Photo Credit: Claire Folger
“So, what’s your number?” he asks.
Um…aren’t we way past that, I think to myself. I mean, we’re lying together intertwined and have long since lost our clothing. If you’d wanted my phone number…OH WAIT! Like how many men have I been with? THAT number.
I look at this current cutie in my bed and blurt it out without thinking. By the way, my number is pretty darn low, which usually surprises people since I’m a dating/relationship/sex writer. Somehow everybody expects me to be “Samantha” or something.
“Wow,” he says. “I’m amazed you just told me that.”
Uh. Was I not supposed to? I mean, he asked. Now I’m naked and feeling neurotic. No one had ever posed that question to me. Not even the man I had been practically living with (whom I thought I was going to marry before that relationship fell apart in a disastrous, bad, Cosmo story-of-the-week type fashion…but that’s another story).
Turned out this new guy’s number was apparently low too. But he wouldn’t share. “Does that number include me?” he asks.
Yes, it did. Would that make us even? Did it matter? I felt weird. Why? Well, maybe it’s because in this day and age of purported sexual liberation, there is still some kind of judgment assessed when it’s discovered that a woman is having sex and, God forbid, actually liking it.
“Unfortunately, a blatant double standard still exists such that men with high libidos are called players while women who enjoy sex are sluts,” says Dr. Karin Anderson, author of It Just Hasn’t Happened Yet. Which is totally ridiculous. As long as a woman is being safe and using a modicum of judgment (i.e. not jumping into bed with the first guy she meets at a bar), then why should it matter what her number is? And how is it that guys get to brag about the “notches” on their headboard but single, hot, independent women are supposed to be demure and hush, hush?
This subject is on the minds of many with today's opening of the film What’s Your Number? starring Anna Faris. In the film, the main character thinks her number is too high so she decides to revisit all the boys of bedroom romps past to see if she’d perhaps “missed” the one. Thing is, if he had been the one at that time, then it probably would have worked. In other words, you can’t second-guess your number. It’s yours. It happened for whatever reason and it really is just a number!
But, is it to men? And what can a gal do if faced with the numerical nooky question? Well, you probably don’t want to quip back 'None of your business' because then he’ll think you’re hiding something. Lots of couples actually live happily ever after without ever knowing each other’s numbers. A better bet? Dr. Anderson suggests you try something like: “I'm just curious as to how this information relates to you and me and what's going on with us?”
He’ll likely evade the question or say he’s just curious, but the reality is it probably goes deeper than that (whether he knows it or not). “You want to know why he wants to know because if he does judge you based on your number you may need to reconsider if this is a guy you can continue dating,” says Dr. Anderson.
Right, and personally, I don’t want to know cutie’s number. In that naked moment, I want to think that I’m the one he’s been waiting for all his life and he just happened to be born with sack skills that good. Seriously, don’t ruin my fantasy and I won’t ruin yours about how I’m a virginal porn-star sex goddess. The only number that’s really worth keeping track of is how many times in one night. The end.