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I don't know about you, but I find all of this tedious waiting around for Beyonce to pop out that kid already to be exhausting. The mental anguish over “what ever will they name her?” (because if nothing else we’re pretty sure it’s a girl, right?) is enough to send me to bed for weeks.
Sure, rumors are swirling. According to the Huffington Post, Twitter is mostly to blame for bogus reports that Tiana May Carter had already made her debut. And then there’s the whole lyrical proof argument to consider (Jay-Z in “Hello Brooklyn”: “If I had a daughter guess what I’m a call her? Brooklyn Carter.” Sort of hard to backpedal from that one).
But in case the expecting supernovas are still at a loss for the perfect handle for their Bey-B, I’d like to offer a few options. (And no, Bey-B isn’t one of them.)
Houston -- It’s B’s hometown, dude. Why should your borough get all the love?
Derriere -- Because “Booty” (or even Fanny or Buns) would just be crass.
Kiwi -- The Carters are buddies with Gwyn and Chris, and how fun would it be to call Apple and Kiwi to dinner?
Jesus -- See #3 (“Jesus! Moses! Your hot dogs are ready!” Come on.).
Sasha -- For Bey’s “fierce” alter ago, and also because it’s presidential.
Halo -- It’s angelic, it sounds like “hello” so the lyrical/cinematic options are endless (“You had me at Halo”), and it has a certain Demi-esque quality that’s fairly irresistible. Am I right?
Xania -- Mama’s character in The Pink Panther; perfect by Hollywood standards because it’s wonderfully difficult to pronounce and impossible to spell.
Zenga -- The backward spelling of Beyonce’s grandma Agnez Dereon (for whom B named her House of Dereon clothing line, so it’s not that out there).
Eugenie -- Because sometimes not being cool is the coolest move of all. (See: Hazel, Phinnaeus)