What is speed dating (and should you try it)?
What is speed dating (and should you try it)?
Question:Sherry Amatenstein
Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more
Picture this: two strangers huddled together, feverishly exchanging undercuts and jabs. At the sound of the bell, each disengages. No, I'm not talking about boxing, and the punches landed aren't of the physical kind. I'm describing speed dating, the latest fad to seduce singles in search of love.
Created last year by a Los Angeles rabbi as a method for marriage-minded men and women to swiftly evaluate potential partners, speed dating has swiftly spread throughout the free world. Speed dating events are held regularly in locales ranging from Salt Lake City to Sydney. At such events, a group of single men and woman gather together in one place to meet and mingle following a strict time schedule and specific rules. Each pair gets seven minutes to chat before they must move on to the next ''date'' (usually eight total in one night). During this time you can ask your partner anything except his or her age, occupation and place of residence. The idea is to focus on what the person is really like. When the bell rings, regardless of how engrossing the conversation, you move on.
At evening's end participants indicate on a card which (if any!) of their plethora of partners appealed to them enough to go out on a less speedy date. If there's a match, the man is given the woman's phone number. (In addition to being speedy, this mode of meeting is also sexist.)
Speed dating is billed as the alternative to enduring blind dates with dorks that seem to go on forever. Speed dating venues are also inarguably healthier than smoky, crowded bars. But is this new craze an effective method for finding if not the man of your dreams, a potential date for New Year's Eve? Yes and no.
I question a society that is so focused on time management and goal achievement that it applauds the notion of not wasting time on a blind date that might not go anywhere. Speed is great when it comes to clothes purchasing and highway driving. However, when it comes to getting to know the essence of a person and whether or not his essence might mesh with yours, that's not a determination that should be made in seven minutes. Besides, for singles who are not good at small talk and/or feel uncomfortable in situations where they feel pressured and judged, those seven minutes might feel less like a millisecond and more like an eternity.
If you're a cool, confident person who takes things in stride and approaches unfamiliar situations with more than a dollop of humor, speed dating might be an interesting way to spend an evening. Little ventured, something possible to be gained. Best case scenario: meeting up to eight potential boyfriends in one night. Worst case scenario: walking away with some hysterical war stories from the front that can be shared at leisure with your girlfriends. That's not a bad return for a $25 investment.
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