What Will Marvel and Disney's Media Offspring Look Like?

One of the biggest reasons The Walt Disney Company acquired comic book giant Marvel Entertainment was to boost Disney’s attraction to young boys. But strategy is one thing, successful execution is another. While they’re busy figuring out how to tell The Hulk he now reports to Mickey Mouse, I’m suggesting some new shows and movies that leverage the best of both brands:

1. Mutant School Musical!

Can Wolverine and Jean Grey shed their super-stereotypes and audition for the big musical talent show at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters? Ashley Tisdale guest stars as a mutant blessed with the ability to generate media exposure doing absolutely nothing.

2. My Two Iron Dads

In an update of the late ‘80s Disney/ABC hit My Two Dads, Miley Cyrus stars as the child of either Iron Man or Wall-E. Because it’s unknown which is her true biological father, they each share custody of the child. In the pilot, Iron Man and Wall-E point fingers at each other for Cyrus’s sudden affection for metal stripper poles.

3. Jonah & Jonas

When Spider-Man’s newspaper publisher J. Jonah Jameson sees his pride and joy go online-only, he switches gears and ends up managing the ever-peppy Jonas Brothers on their world tour. Mayhem ensues as the four learn much about each other… and themselves.

4. Super Wife Swap

Disney/ABC revamps its popular reality series, this time swapping The Incredibles’ Helen with The Fantastic Four’s Susan Storm. Can Mr. Fantastic be flexible with Elastigirl? Will Mr. Incredible see right through Invisible Girl? Tune in to find out.

5. Iron Chef

In a freak laboratory accident, Iron Man’s genes are fused with those of The Swedish Chef from The Muppets. Now the “Iron Chef” travels around the country fighting crime with his hands and cooking eggs with his repulsor rays.

6. The Suite Life of Captain America, Jr.

Captain America’s rebellious teen son rejects everything about Dad… except the cool bike. Stars Cole Sprouse from The Secret Life of Zack and Cody and Selena Gomez just because.

7. The Secret Identity Club

Marvel’s Spiderman, The Hulk, and Daredevil think they have the Secret Identity Club all to themselves, when in walks… Hannah Montana! She wants to be a member, and the heroes now have to choose between giving up their secrets or their integrity.

8. Ariel Arizona

In this "sea-quel" to Hannah Montana, the terrible economy forces a water-breathing single dad (Marvel’s the Sub Mariner) and his precocious daughter (Disney’s The Little Mermaid) to relocate to Tucson where they take jobs (and secretly reside) in a local aquarium.

9. That’s So Ravens!

Marvel’s obscure Red Raven and White Raven superheroes absorb The Disney Channel’s Raven Baxter’s ability to see into the future, but mayhem ensues when they see their own show being canceled. “Never more!” quote the Ravens.

10. Even More Stevens

The Stevens family of Even Stevens fame discovers they are related to none other than Steven Rogers, also known as Captain America. Rogers eagerly adopts the family’s surname, becoming Steven Stevens. Facing ridicule with such a ridiculous name, Steven leaves the house with Ren Stevens, having recognized her voice as that of Disney’s Kim Possible. In the works is a spin-off: Captain Kim Possible Stevens America.

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