What Would Romeo & Juliet's Romance Look Like in 2013?

The latest incarnation of the Shakespeare tale is in theaters now. We re-imagine it with iPhones and Instagram

When we think of young love, we still think of Romeo and Juliet -- which is why every new generation gets its own version. In the '90s, we had Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio as the star-crossed lovers. Now there's a new film by Downton Abbey creator Julian Fellowes, starring Hailee Steinfeld and Douglas Booth. Watch the preview below!



This latest Romeo and Juliet, which opens Friday, is already controversial for Fellowes' decision to rewrite Shakespeare's dialogue. It's a weird decision, sure, but we can think of much crazier things he could have done in the name of updating Shakespeare's story. For example, he could have set it in 2013. Would the story be different if Twitter, iPhones and 24-hour cable got involved? Let's find out! Presenting: "Romeo and Juliet, the Millennial Version!"

Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet, studying abroad in the U.S., meet at a freshman college mixer. When they get home to their dorms and Google each other, they discover that their mothers are arch-rivals on 'The Real Housewives of Verona.' Awkward!

Not wanting their parents to find out, Romeo and Juliet begin a secret affair over direct message on Twitter. Soon they want to meet in a private place. They contact Reverend Run, who was on 'Dancing with the Stars' with Romeo's mom. He tells them they can use his vacation house, but he wants to marry them first.

The two teenagers tie the knot in a spur-of-the-moment ceremony, and Instagram the whole thing, because it would be sacrilegious not to, right? They are careful not to show their faces, but Juliet's friend Tybalt recognizes the "YOLO" tattoo on her ankle. Tybalt starts trashing Romeo on Twitter, and a giant feud erupts between him and Romeo's best friend, Mercutio. The feud gets so big that it ends up on PerezHilton.com, Lady Gaga weighs in, the Little Monsters get riled up, and Mercutio gets so many death threats that he has to close his Twitter account. In revenge, Romeo hacks into Tybalt's Twitter account and replaces all his tweets with Amanda Bynes quotes.

Romeo is kicked off Twitter for violating the user agreement, and he can no longer communicate with Juliet, because they never bothered to get each other's phone numbers. Juliet starts freaking out because she hasn't heard from Romeo in 12 minutes, and takes some Xanax. Unfortunately, she ordered the Xanax from an illegal Canadian pharmacy, so it's extra-strong and knocks her out for two days.

While Romeo frantically tries to find Juliet, he sees a tabloid on a newsstand that says "Juliet Capulet: Dead?" He thinks the question mark is an exclamation point, and now believes that Juliet is dead. Romeo decides to kill himself, too, so he buys a bottle of children's cough syrup, thinking that's what sizzurp is and knowing that stuff can screw you up.

When Juliet wakes up from her Xanax sleep, she finds Romeo outside her dorm, passed out from his sugar crash. Thinking he's either dead or about to get fat, Juliet has a total meltdown. By the time the paparazzi arrive, Juliet has shaved her head and is muttering something about tiger blood. Her mother and Romeo's mother rush to the scene, with their camera crews in tow. It becomes the best-rated episode in the history of 'The Real Housewives of Verona,' which inspires the Montagues and Capulets to put aside their differences.

Tragically, now that their parents know about their relationship, Romeo and Juliet get bored. Juliet signs to be the next 'Bachelorette,' and Romeo starts his own line of designer socks. For never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo. Except for maybe that wedding episode of
'Game of Thrones.' That was pretty messed up.

Donna Kaufman is a freelance writer and iVillage contributor. Find her on Twitter and Google+

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